Sweet Aphrodite

And, she's back.

2006-08-02T13:25:00.000-04:00

It's been 4-ish months since I last posted.

Part of the reason I quit posting is that I was no longer single - the original purpose of this blog. And for the record, Wanderer and I are still together.

Another part of the reason - I was too busy to post.

A third - Wanderer and I were becoming very intimate, as we grew closer together, and I did not feel comfortable posting about it. Really, he did not feel comfortable with the idea of my posting our deepest, most private moments. He never said it, but I could tell he felt that my posting about our relationship cheapened those moments.

Once he had asked - am I your new boyfriend, or am I a character on your blog. A little bit of both...

But, I didn't want him to feel like a character for my amusement. So, I took a hiatus. I spent time growing closer to him, enjoying the moments for what they were instead of for the stories they created.

Wanderer and I have been together for almost a year now (can you believe it?!).

I've bought a house.
He's basically moved down to Cyprus.
We're growing closer and enjoying more and more of each other every day.

And I miss writing. I'm ready to return.

And in the end...

2006-04-11T18:53:00.000-04:00

As I'm sure you all have noticed, I have been m.i.a. for quite some time.

Don't worry, things are going well. Really well, actually.

I originally started this blog to help me through a tough time - a bad break-up with my boyfriend, tossing me into the world of single life and dating. As the descriptor of my blog reads, it was meant to document the dating life of a young female.

Well, technically, I am no longer dating.

Wanderer was introduced to my blog eight months ago. We have been dating exclusively for six months. Two weeks ago, he told me he loved me. In two more weeks, he'll be moving to Cyprus (don't worry - not moving in with me, I already learned that lesson!).

So, I have decided to say goodbye to my single blog. At least for a while. Work has picked up, I am up for a promotion soon (and got a raise this month!). The social life is going well - I joined a soccer team and a kickball team, and Leora and I have mended our bruised friendship.

I'm happy, I'm busy and I believe it is time to move on.

So thank you to those who enjoyed my blog. It was a great release, and I enjoyed you tagging along for the ride.

-Aphrodite

Meeting the 'rents

2006-03-01T07:58:00.000-05:00

A milestone in my relationship has recently taken place. Wanderer met my parents.

Wanderer has given me a hard time because I didn't even tell my parents I was dating someone new until Christmas. By then, I had met his parents several times.

Due to my past ill-fated decisions when it comes to boys, I have been more hesitant about involving my parents in my dating life. Around Christmas my mother probed, so I admitted there was a guy "I was sort of seeing."

And of course, when I told Wanderer, he gave me a hard time. I guess I deserved it.

Anyway, last week I had to go up North, only a few hours from where Wanderer lives due to the passing of my grandfather.

My entire family traveled up. We were less than two hours from Wanderer's house. He was pushing to be able to come down to support me and meet my family. I was trying to figure out if it was appropriate.

So, I hinted. I mentioned to my mom how Wanderer only lived a couple hours away. I told her I was thinking about visiting him. Then I told her, he volunteered to pick me up so on Sunday I do not have as long of a ride back to Cyprus by myself. Hint, hint, hint.

Then, my mom mentioned wanting to have a nice dinner with the entire family the night before their plane flight back to Ga, as we are so rarely together anymore (I'm in Cyprus and my brother is 21 and in his own apartment).

"Dinner, that's a great idea, Mom."

"Yes, I thought it would be nice."

"Yea, and then Wanderer may come down to pick me up. I'm thinking about spending the rest of the weekend in New Jersey since you guys are going to be leaving tomorrow morning."

"How far away is he again?" (At this point, I had told her at least five times)

"Only about an hour and a half away."

My mom looked at my dad and gave him a slanty-eyed smile.

"Aphrodite, would you like to invite Wanderer to dinner?"

"I mean, well, that's a good idea. If you guys want. I'm sure he would like to join."

"Sure. We do want to meet this young man after all."

And thus, he was invited...

The invitation sort of took Wanderer by surprise. He was in the middle of working on his parents' bonus room when I called.

"Hey - so, what are your dinner plans tonight?"

"I don't know. I'm working on my parents house right now. I don't have any plans... why?"

"Well, you have officially been invited to have dinner with myself and my parents."

"Really?..."

"Yes. My mother would like to meet 'this young man' that I am dating."

"Okay. When do I need to be there?"

"In three hours."

"In three hours? That'll be tough. Okay, let me finish up here and I'll try my best to get there. Otherwise, have dinner and I'll catch up with you guys for dessert."

"Okay. Thanks babe, I know it's short notice."

"It's okay. I'm glad I was invited. I'll try my best to be there on time."

Three hours went by and parents decided on going to a fabulous steak restaurant which was off of the road Wanderer would be riding into town on. We knew he'd be late, so we all ordered and were finishing up with our salads when he called to tell me he was pulling into the parking lot.

I met him in front of the restaurant, gave him a quick kiss and a smile - "You ready to do this?"

"Yea, this will be fun."

"Okay..."

He joined our table right as our steaks were served. And Wanderer fit right in. He and my father are very similar. They have a similar wit and much the same hobbies - especially hiking (which the art of packing a backpack for hiking in itself was a half-hour conversation between the two of them).

I was a bit tipsy from the wine and made an off-color comment about sleeping in the tent... with Wanderer... that made my dad slip me the sideways eye. Whoops.

But other than that, I think it went well.

Though, they still do not know how old he is. But, that's the next step...

My stubborn heart

2006-02-20T11:08:00.000-05:00

When I was younger I was always told to follow my heart. But I have learned through experience that my heart is not the best navigator. Let's just say, my heart does not sit in the passenger seat on long road trips. It's just awful with maps...

My heart and my mind are often in disagreement, and my heart throws silly hissy-fits when faced with a disagreement. This week it has been kicking and screaming and causing all sorts of internal turmoil. Stupid heart. It misses Aesc.

I don't know why. As much as I try to ration with the heart, it does not succumb to reason. I think it's sad because it grew so attached to Aesc for so long. It thought it'd be with Aesc for the rest of our lives. It was wrong (I told you - worst navigator ever...). My heart does not like to be wrong and has a hard time letting go of the past.

We had worked hard together to move past our silly little mistake called Aesc. Things have been great. My heart had finally agreed with my mind and moved on... that is until we saw him last Friday.

Now, my ridiculous heart has been longing for him again. I do not know why (it can be so hard to reason with at times...). I've even gone through my old journal, reading to my heart all the pain he caused only months ago. That didn't work. I dug up old e-mails and read aloud the terrible things he said to us in anger. That kind of helped.

But then, he wrote today. And my weak heart is back to kicking and screaming and flipping in my chest. And again, my heart and mind have been arguing:

Heart: He has been so broken-up over losing us, we should give him another chance. He realizes what he's lost now, there's no way he'd mess it up again. He'd sooo cherish us if we gave him another chance. Think about how much he'd love us and how great he'd be this time around.

Mind: You are so stupid, I swear. Seriously, Aesc? Do we have to go through this again? Don't you remember how he'd break you in two on a monthly if not weekly basis? Haven't you learned how he would hurt you then be sweet, repair you, only to smash you into a million pieces again? This is his trick, Heart - come on. He always does this. He realizes he's lost us, is nice, then goes back to the old, grouchy, angry, immature and mean Aesc again. Seriously...

Heart: Yea, yea, but. I mean, his e-mail said he thought we were The One. That's my life's goal - to find The One.

Mind: Well, good thing I'm here to help you. Who knows what lousy One you would settle with if left on your own.

Heart: That's not fair.

Mind: Hey, I've had to protect you from your own mistakes many-a-times.

Heart: Fine, but don't you remember how good it felt to be with him?

Mind: It may have felt good for you, it caused me a lot of stress.

Heart: You know, he looked so good last Friday night.

Mind: Stop that. It's not helping.

Heart: I miss having him around. I think he misses us too.

Mind: Okay, how about I read from the e-mail - He recently got out of a short relationship that ended badly and he's been really upset over the past couple of weeks. Do you hear this? He's moved on.

Heart: Ouch.

Mind: Yea, I thought so. He even said he's afraid he's mixing emotions from that with emotions with us.

Heart: How could he compare us to some bimbo he dated for a few weeks?

Mind: Okay, no need to get nasty. You shouldn't care anyway. Let her have him. He sucks. Even that ended badly - you know why - because any relationship with Aesc will end badly. He is a terrible boyfriend.

Heart: Fine. I still miss him. I still want to tell him what's going on in our lives. I don't care what you say, I'm going to always miss him.

Mind: Suit yourself...

Who am I?..

2006-02-16T15:44:00.000-05:00

How would you describe me? Is it the same way I would describe myself?

Let's see.

D-day

2006-02-11T01:05:00.000-05:00

It was bound to happen.

Bound to happen.

It's been eight months. Eight months since I broke up with Aesc. Eight months since I have spoken to him. Eight months since I have seen him.

My roommates have seen him. My co-workers have seen him. My friends have seen him. But I have somehow managed to miss him while going out for eight months.

I saw him tonight.

I started out the night at a bar Leora often frequents. Within five minutes of being there I turned to her and asked - "Do you ever see Aesc. here?"

"No. I come here all the time. He is one person I have never run into here."

"Okay. Good. I just have this anxious feeling that I will see him tonight."

"I hate that feeling. I used to always get that with Pero and you know how I would always run into him."

"Yea. And I haven't seen Aesc. since the break-up. I never feel this way, but I just know I will see him tonight."

"Well, if you do, at least you look hot."

And we laughed it off. We had dinner and several drinks at that bar. Our group of friends grew to be about 10 and we decided to move. We walked down the street to a bar I often frequent right after work but have never been to late-night. Georgia had joined our group and I was walking with him (we've become good friends since our meeting in July). The entire walk, I was distracted. My heart began racing as we got closer. My ears were feeling heavy and my stomach had knots. I was not carrying the conversation very well. But we were all drunk enough, I don't think it really mattered.

We entered the bar and somehow I took the lead in moving through the crowd to find a space for all of us to stand. I zig-zagged through people until I was near the end of the bar. Then two people in the way parted, and I saw him. Standing against a post with his roommate, looking directly at me. We made eye contact. And I saw him.

I completely forgot I was leading a crowd at that point and paused. We looked at each other for a while, then both sort of nodded our heads and I walked towards him.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"I had a feeling I would see you tonight," he said.

"That's funny. I did too."

"Well, I did for other reasons, but..." and he shook his head, "never mind."

"Okay... So, how are you?"

"I'm good. Same old. Just working a lot. Still living with Kevin. Nothing new. How about you?"

"I'm doing really well. I've just been running a lot, I joined a soccer team, I bought a new puppy and she takes up my life. I'm good."

"Aphrodite," Georgia interrupted. I had forgotten everyone was behind me. "I'm going to the bar, do you need a beer?"

"Oh, yea, thanks. A Miller Lite, please."

"Alright, I'll be right back."

I looked back to Aesc. and he made a defeated face. "So, is that your new man?"

"Nope. Not at all."

"So, you're not dating anyone?"

"I didn't say that. He's just not my new man."

Aesc. nodded his head with a half smile. "Well, it was good to see you."

"Yea, you too. I'm glad to hear you're doing well."

"Me too. I really am. You know, there are no hard feelings."

I guess I gave him a hesitant look, so he continued, "I mean, I have no hard feelings. Do you have any hard feelings?"

I kept giving him the look.

"What? Tell me. I already feel bad enough about everything as is. You might as well tell me what you're thinking."

"Well, I guess there's no hard feelings about the break-up per se, but... I don't know..."

"What?"

"It's just the whole situation. I had dated you for a year. I thought I knew you. I thought I was madly in love with you. Then, I moved here and changed my whole life for you and realized, I did not know you at all. You were not who I thought you were at all. And it makes me wonder if it was ever even real, or if I had just fooled myself into thinking that I loved you, or loved who I fooled myself into thinking you were."

"It was real, Aphrodite. Everything before we moved here was real. I moved here and I became shitty. I know I fucked up. I hate this place for making me who I was to you. I took all my stress and anger at Cyprus out on you. And you will always be the one that got away. You are the girl I will always compare others to. You are my golden goose. I know I fucked up and I lost you. I know it was my fault."

"So, are you still being shitty?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you still hate Cyprus and are you still being a 'shitty person,' as you say?"

"I still hate Cyprus but I don't have anyone to take it out on. So, now I'm just depressed and angry and have to deal with it by myself."

It was around this time his drunken friend I had never met interrupted, "don't listen to a word this guy has to say."

He thought he was being charming. Trying to help Aesc. score.

"Thanks." And I turned back to Aesc., trying to finish our conversation.

"Hey Aesc.," he was persistent, "how do you know this cute girl?"

Slightly frustrated and loving the irony of it all, I turned to him and shook his hand. "Hi. I am Aphrodite. I dated Aesc. for about a year before he moved here to become a surgeon. I followed him here. It didn't work out, so we broke up, and here we are, the first time since we broke up eight months ago, trying to have our first awkward conversation."

"Well." He was stunned. "Um, nice to meet you then..." and he awkwardly shook my hand.

"And that's why I loved you," Aesc. said.

Georgia then returned with my beer and I thanked him.

"Well," Aesc's drunken friend said, "how did you guys meet in Wisconsin?"

And this threw us into a conversation we used to love having when we were dating. The How We Met Story. We had a good one. He lived in Wisconsin. I lived in Georgia. I worked at a Packer's bar in Atlanta, he was visiting his parents for two months and doing a rotation at Emory. I saw him every Sunday with his friend. Then, two Sundays before he returned home his friend decided to hit on me and get my number. The two of them visited Athens (where I lived and went to school) the following weekend to see a Bulldogs game. I was trying to set Aesc. up with my roommate, as I was supposed to be with his friend. By the end of the night the couples had switched - I was with Aesc., my roommate with his friend. And it was happily ever after from then.

Co-telling the story was fun. It's always fun. He has parts he jumps in and say, I have parts I jump in and say, always embellishing - "and my roommate was sitting on his friend's lap, nearly making out..."

The story ended and we smiled at each other. The smile dropped as reality again set in.

"Well, I should re-join my friends."

"Yea. You should."

"It was good to see you."

"You too. It really was. Maybe I'll call you sometime. I changed my number, so..."

"Okay, take care. Good luck with the Doctor stuff."

"Thanks. And, I'm glad you didn't leave Cyprus. You will do well here. I know you."

"Thanks. Bye, Aesc."

Fare well

2006-02-06T17:05:00.000-05:00

Wanderer has been in town for over two weeks now (I am such a lucky girl!). But my luck will soon end, as he is returning to NJ in the next day or two.

He has not told me he loved me consciously or subconscious since my last post. But he has been very verbally affectionate, more than his normal sweet self. I think he's toying with the idea of running that past me again in waking hours. We'll see...

One of the reasons Wanderer has stayed in town, though, has been to help nurse me back to health. Last week I came down with an illness that has created a pain that stumped two doctors and caused a third to guess kidney stones were involved. I am doubtful it's kidney stones though, I just think they started to feel bad for taking my money only to shrug their shoulders and point me to another doctor - and another co-payment. Either way, I have been loaded down with antibiotics (and am feeling much better, thank you), but was told by my OB/GYN - "your boyfriend may need to take a long motorcycle ride for a few days. I want you kids to slow down until we get this straightened out."

That was about a week ago.

He's such a patient man.

I'm hoping I'll be able to grant him a healthy farewell before he takes that long ride, because I am hardly a patient woman.

What did you just say?

2006-01-30T16:17:00.000-05:00

Wanderer has been in town for a little over a week now. He’s been helping me with my new baby pup – Harper.

We had a long weekend with the new puppy and I was exhausted by 11:30 last night. I went to bed, Wanderer followed soon after.

I was lying on his chest at 3 a.m., when he woke up and said he had a bad dream. He shared his nightmare with me – it was like something out of a movie – a haunted skyscraper with paintings that moved and an elevator on which I disappeared while riding along side him. It was quite the dream.

After sharing, we rolled over to go back to sleep. Me, laying on my right side, cuddling my body pillow in front of me, him behind me, arms wrapped around my side, pulling me into his chest. His face rested just above my head, sharing my pillow.

I quickly began to slip away, feeling the dreams come on and relaxing into a deep sleep. And then I heard him, clear as a bell, directly behind my right ear – I love you.

My eyes jerked open, but I laid perfectly still. Did he just say what I thought he said?

My heart was racing and I was completely awake, but laid motionless.

Did he? Did I just hear that right? Is he even awake?

I rolled over and his eyes were shut tight. He smoothly transitioned with me, as he always does when I shift in bed. Now he was on his back and I was again on his chest. I looked up at him, sleeping.

I gave him a kiss. “Baby, are you awake?”

He made a low noise, not really saying anything.

I think he’s talking in his sleep.

My boyfriend just told me he loved me, in his sleep.

Well, at least I’m assuming it was me he was talking to in his sleep… there’s no way for knowing… so when morning came, I didn’t say a thing...

3 days, 8 hours and 24 minutes...

2006-01-18T09:43:00.000-05:00

I am very much missing him right now.

It’s been 18 days since I’ve seen Wanderer. (Ok – I’m not crazy, I just know the last day I saw him was the first of January, so the math is easy… I promise I’m not crossing off days on my calendar...)

Anyway, point is, I’m really missing him.

You know, I’ve done a lot of long-distance relationships. Too many, if you ask me. But that’s beside the point.

Point is, they all follow a pattern.

At first, you like the person so much that the distance doesn’t matter. You enjoy their company, it’s been difficult finding someone with which you have such a connection, distance doesn’t matter. You’ll make it work. You’ll visit often. It’s okay.

Then, you begin to like the person so much that the distance DOES matter.

Early on, the whirlwind of emotions from each encounter is enough to keep your mind occupied through the breaks. Then, as the relationship grows and becomes deeper, the emotions calm down and settle into something more concrete. Something that requires more nurturing. Something that is not well entertained by distance.

I am (gasp!) falling in love with Wanderer.

I mean, I’ve been heading down this road, falling more and more for him as the months go on. But now I find myself waking and longing for his simple presence. I miss talking to him in person, looking at his face, sleeping on his chest, sharing moments and exchanging laughs.

When we first started dating I wished he could be living here but was able to look past it. In a way I enjoyed the independence distance allowed. Still somewhat recovering from my break up with Aesc., it was nice to have attention, affection and lust in my life while also having my own life and own schedule.

But now I’m ready to share. I’m ready to give and take. I’m ready for a normal relationship. I’m ready for Wanderer to move to Cyprus.

Soon, I hope…

In the meantime, he returns for a least a week this weekend. And I’m counting the days… (I mean, no I’m not… I swear…)

Wake up call

2006-01-09T17:22:00.000-05:00

I often use my cell phone as my second alarm in the morning.

My first alarm is my CD/radio alarm clock. Typically, my radio plays, and I lay there thinking about how deep asleep I just was and wondering just how did the night go by so fast? It felt like I had just laid down. I was practically comatose, and the drool around my lifeless face proves it.

My eyes don't want to work to open. My mouth doesn't want to work to close. My neck doesn't want to work to look at the clock. My arm doesn't want to work to turn off the alarm. And my legs sure as hell do not want to work to roll out of bed and into the shower, or on those dreadful days - out into the cold to run.

So, that's when the second alarm comes into play. After I've laid there, lifeless, wishing the morning away for over 5 minutes, my cell phone starts to go off as if to say - seriously now, how long are we going to do this, Aphrodite? Get up for goodness' sake.

Usually I make myself get up at the second alarm. It's an obnoxious phone siren. An alarm I also have set as my "family" ring. The siren goes off whenever my Mom or Dad are calling, screaming at me - you cannot ignore this call, the parents are ringing, it must be important.

But this morning, I decided to silence the obnoxious alarm. I was supposed to run and decided to sleep in, so as the annoying phone alarm continued to go off every 10-15 minutes, I continued to silence it. Never realizing in my half-asleep state that my phone does not have a snooze button, and I was not resetting it to continue to go off. That realization did not hit until I finally decided to roll out of bed and had 5 missed phone calls from my mother.

That's not good - she never calls unless it's important. Just as that thought leaves, my phone starts alarming again. I see it's my mom and I pick up this time.

"Hello?"

"Hi sweetie, I'm sorry to wake you up. But, I can't remember your address - could you remind me?"

I tell her my address. "What's going on?"

"Oh..." Her voice sounds stressed. But not angry stressed, that kind of sad, embarrassed stress. "Well, I needed a reference that does not live with me because I am currently bailing your brother out of jail."

"Wha... wait. What? Okay..."

"Don't worry, he's okay. I just needed your address."

"Okay. Well, call me later?"

"Okay. Sorry to wake you again."

"No, sorry I didn't hear the phone earlier. I thought you were my alarm. I'll talk to you later?"

"Okay."

"Bye."

I hang up the phone. Interesting... What could my little brother have done? He's a fairly good kid. As I get ready I run through the possibilities. He just moved in with his girlfriend and out of my parents' house for the first time - could they have shoplifted because they're low on money? No, that can't be it. Could his roommates be doing drugs, could they have been busted? My brother doesn't do drugs. Maybe he was with the wrong people? Then, of course, the obvious one - a 20 year old male, about to be 21 - an underage DUI. I mean, the arrest was apparently at night, my mom was there first thing in the morning. Had to be it. It would suck though - he's about 3 weeks away from turning 21 and would lose his license and pay a heavy fine for an underage DUI.

But, that's all that I could think of. A little after noon I get a call from my mother.

"So, what happened?"

"Well, he was arrested for battery."

"WHAT?! Not against his girlfriend, right?!"

"No, never. No - he and his girlfriend have not been getting along with their roommates," (they live in a 2-bedroom apartment with another couple - 4 people, 2 bedrooms, not good) "apparently they all got in a fight last night."

"Okay..."

"Well, you see, the other guy in the house lost his job, so the other couple was trying to make your brother and his girlfriend pay more for rent and/or bills. As you know, they don't have the money to pay more, so there was a fight. The other couple started threatening to take away the Internet and cable." (My brother and his girlfriend's life) "Names were called, the fight escalated. And you know your brother - it takes a lot to get him worked up, he lets it build up and explode."

"Yea, okay?..."

"Well, what pushed him over the edge was apparently the other girl said that your brother's girlfriend should pay more of the rent anyway because she's so fat that she's taking up more of the apartment."

"That's mean."

"Yea, and you know how your brother is so protective of her. So, he picked up a plastic laundry basket and threw it. He claims he was not throwing it at anyone, just throwing it, but it hit the girl."

"God."

"Yea. She's not hurt. She didn't get hurt at all, but in the heat of the moment, to prove a point, she called the police. Six policemen came to their apartment to arrest him."

"Is he okay?"

"Yea, apparently he was really good with the police. He didn't fight them or struggle or anything. He just told his side of the story and went with them. But, he's okay. He's getting a lawyer and preparing for his court date in March."

"Geez, that sucks. So, he had to stay the night in jail?"

"Yea, well, maybe it will make him see that in the adult world, actions have a real, adult consequence."

"Your baby is all grown up."

"And it's everything I always dreamed it would be..."

It's like dating all over again.

2005-12-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

You search and hope and wish and want and look for the right one. He's out there, I know he is. He's out there, looking for a good woman to love him and nurture him, care for him and be forever faithful. Oh, and he will be so lucky when he finds me. He will want for nothing.

But, I cannot find him. I look, I look and I look. I get excited, and think I've found The One, only to be disappointed and frustrated... but at least I'm left with a story to tell...

This weekend I planned to come home with a dog. I took Friday off of work in preparation. I cleaned my house, I purchased necessities, I was ready. Friday morning I got in my car and drove 6 1/2 hours to the nothingness that is Western Pennsylvania. Yes, 6 1/2 hours. By myself. In and out of a blizzard. I drove for this dog. Anxious to meet the pup I will spend the next 10-15 years of my life. Ready, prepared, excited.

6 1/2 hours. On the highway. Through snow, wind, salt and bad drivers. Tired and beaten down by the monotony of the road, I made it. Only to find out Mr. Max is not a Shih Tzu (I figured he was a least a mix). No, he's a Westie. And, he's not neutered. Or microchiped. Or house trained. Or dewormed. Nothing. Nothing that I was told on the phone and via emails. Nothing was true.

I was in shock. Mortified. I just wasted a vacation day, wasted an entire day driving for a lie. I told them I was sorry, I could not take the dog.

Then, I returned to my car and bawled.

I could not believe I was so deceived. I could not believe I put myself through the torture and frustration of driving all that way for nothing. So I cried. And screamed, and cried some more.

Then, I sucked it up.

And found a pub.

And got drunk.

Wanderer drove to Pa from NJ to pick up my drunken, heartbroken self.

And it reminds me, be patient, the right dog will also come along soon...

Pups.

2005-12-06T16:58:00.000-05:00

Feedback, please:

Jasper - a 2-year-old, neutered male Lhasa Apso. About 10-15 lbs, tan and white.

ORRRR....

Max - a 2-year-old neutered, micro-chipped, male Shih Tzu. About 12-15 lbs, grey and white.

What do you think? I'm coming home with one of them - or a female ShihTzu named Penny of which I do not have a picture - this weekend.

Little surprises

2005-12-04T19:37:00.000-05:00

I haven't written much about my roommate, who we'll call Ernie, but he's awesome. I found Ernie when I was forced to move a second time in six months of living in Cyprus.

Aesc., the wonderful guy he was, kicked me out of the apartment we lived in together within three months of moving to Cyprus for him. He did it in a fight and instantly regretted it (when he had to start paying his rent on his own again), but I was out, gone, found a new apartment and was paying month-to-month to live with a girl I found on Craigslist.com.

I liked my old apartment. I rented a room and shared a bath at a good rate and my roommate was nice enough. But, she had also moved to Cyprus for a boyfriend. A boyfriend she broke up with a few months after I moved in. A few months after that, she decided she was done with this town and wanted to sell her house and move to the shore.

So, I was given one month's notice. I had to move out, as she was selling what had been my home.

Once again I turned to Craigslist.

I checked several places, went and met with several potential landlords and while I saw Ernie's listing, I originally turned him down due to the price. It would keep my budget too tight month-to-month. But, via email Ernie talked me into seeing the place.

He told me I would have the third floor on a three-story row house. I would have a large bedroom with a spare room that I could whatever with - it had a cable connection, so I could have my own "living room." I would also have my own full bath. Other than sharing the kitchen, I would basically have my own apartment. But, I told him, it was still too steep for my budget.

But, he convinced me to see it. I asked Leora to join me, as I was going to see a strange man's house, and on our lunch break we drove the less than 5-miles from work to what would end up being my current home.

The house was unbelievable. It was huge, and I would have a ton of room to myself. Ernie was giving it away for a steal... but still, too much for my budget. After meeting and touring with him, he offered to drop the price. It was still more than what I was originally looking to pay, but I HAD to take it.

A few weeks later, I moved in. It took time for Ernie and I to begin hanging out. I had just become single and was on my dating spree - out every night. He was working or doing his own thing. But in time, and through many guest visits, Ernie and I began to hang out. We began to meet up downtown and mix our groups of friends.

Ernie's a great guy, fun, easy to get along with, kind and the best roommate/landlord ever. And his girlfriend is great too.

When I first moved in, Ernie let me know that within the year his girlfriend would be moving down from New York and in with him on the second floor. He said he also hoped to propose to her soon.

We'll call her Ellen. Ellen's great. She's a few years older than Ernie (he's 25, I think she's 28?). She's fun - the first night we hung out, which was also the first day I moved in, she and I ended up dancing on a bar together. She's sweet and an amazing girlfriend to Ernie.

This week two of them just returned from a two-week vacation driving along the West Coast. Ernie's first night back in Cyprus, Friday night, we were at Boy Next Door's house. Ellen was back in New York. Me and five guys were pre-drinking before a night on the town. Ernie grabbed a chair and pulled up next to me at the table we were drinking around.

He had a huge smile on his face. He looked giddy. It was the type of look that makes you instantly smile back and say, "what?"

He rocked in his seat, looking like a little kid who couldn't sit still. "So," he said,"I've been meaning to tell you." He smiled and rocked.

"Yeah?..." Cocked head, still smiling back.

"Ellen's expecting."

"Expecting? Expecting what?"

"She's expecting."

"What is she expecting? A kitten?"

He kept smiling at me, saying nothing more.

"Whatever, Ernie. Shut up. Shut up!"

He smiled. I couldn't tell if I should believe him or not.

"Ernie, is Ellen pregnant?!"

"Yea. About two months."

"Whatever. Whatever! No way. You're kidding right?"

He just smiled at me.

"You are kidding. You aren't, are you? Ellen's pregnant? Oh my God, oh my God. Wow."

"Yeah."

"Well, congratulations." We clinked beer bottles. And just smiled at each other. "Wow."

"Yea. And I want you to know, we don't want you to move out, we talked about it."

"Ok."

"I mean, if you don't want to move out."

"No, that sounds great."

"And if you want Wanderer to move it, that's okay also."

"Are you looking for some more income, baby daddy?..."

Puppy love

2005-11-30T13:13:00.000-05:00

So, the past few weeks I have been establishing some roots in Cyprus. I've decided I'm staying here and I'm no longer being wishy-washy about it. I've joined a running group, I've begun meeting with the local Hash Harriers and I'm stepping it up at work (hence the no posting).

I've told Wanderer I'm here, I'm staying here, and that's that. He has to make it here or bust. No maybe moving in a year. I'm in Cyprus and I'm sticking around for a while. Decision made. Complete. Done.

And now that I've decided I'm staying here for a bit, this love goddess is ready for a new love. I'm looking for a lovable guy (or gal for that matter), with a good temper, long hair, well groomed, good coloring, less than 20 lbs and 1-4 years old. I'm ready for a pup!

I've been so bad lately - looking up dogs for adoption at work. I haven't found the perfect one yet, but I'm searching. I'm ready to be a puppy momma. I'm focusing on Lhasa Apsos.

Or Yorkies.

Basically, small dogs, loving, cute and do not shed. Now that I've made up my mind, I'm so impatient. I want one today. But in time, the right one will come along... I mean, it is for the next 10-15 years of my life.

And I can't wait.

So busy

2005-11-22T13:12:00.000-05:00

So busy, so busy. So sorry I have not posted.

Along with trying to plan two large-scale events for top business and government leaders in Cyprus and the surrounding state (for two separate clients), trying to convince Katie Couric she really should speak at one of my client's events, writing an analysis on a company for which I did an internal audit last week and fighting the ever-occurring battle of interviewees dying for stories I am pitching - I am also planning my work's Thanksgiving dinner (tomorrow) and Chirstmas party (Dec. 16). I am slammed.

Too slammed to think.

But, I feel bad for neglecting my blog - I apologize.

Wanderer and I are doing well. I'm settling into Cyprus and starting to actually enjoy this city. I finally realized much of my unhappiness with this location is my lack of involvement thus far. Sooo... this weekend was a weekend of involvement.

Saturday night I went out with one of Leora's friends I should call more often, Gem. She's great and we had fun.

Sunday afternoon I joined the Cyprus Hash Harriers - a post I will write later, and that night practiced with a local fire swinging club (who were just "too cool" for my liking).

Exciting news - I decided yesterday to join a running club (actually two, one that meets the mornings of Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday a short drive from my apt and one that meets on Wednesday three blocks from my apt) and am contemplating running the Cyprus marathon one year from now. I will make the final decision to train that hard or not in April after the 10K I'm training for. I'll keep you posted.

Ok - wish I could write more, but I have work beaconing. I will post soon, promise.

One of those nights...

2005-11-07T09:38:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I am much calmer now than I was in the past two posts. I was so upset Friday I hardly accomplished anything. All I could do was think about Wanderer. Our next move. Why I was really upset.

He hasn't done anything to me. He has never hurt me personally. He has been nothing but open, honest and kind, to me. So, why was I mad?

I was/am mad at outside factors - the fact that she still works with my co-workers and I may have to see her in a work setting, the fact that I will hear about her from people at work, and the fact that a person I think highly of is not as perfect as I wish he would be. I know, stupid.

But, I've made mistakes (the only difference is he doesn't know about them). And I recognize that it is unfair for me to hold his greatest mistake against him when he has been nothing but open and honest with me.

If nothing else, I realized how much I genuinely like him, how afraid I am of being hurt by him and how afraid I am of losing him. Maybe I just needed some reassurance on how much he likes me and what his intentions are. I know, how typically female - pick a fight to make him say how much he wants you in his life. We're crazy, what can I say?

But, I got what I wanted. He told me how much he cares about me. And he said we will talk in person this week and address the "variables." He said he has answers. I'm looking forward to hearing them. We'll see, right?

Enough of Wanderer - on to drunken adventures...

So after all the drama, I went out with my roommate and his buddy in from NYC Friday night. We went to an art walk in town, had a few beers, met a few people, went to a dance club and drank too much. During that time my roommate told me he and his buddy were driving down to Charleston, SC for the rest of the weekend and invited me along.

The boys dropped me off at the apartment around 1 a.m. and went to a strip club. I figured there was no way they'd be driving to Charleston at 9 the next morning. At 9:05 I woke up to the sound of "Shake That Laffy Taffy" right outside my door. I got up and opened my door to find my roommate's cell phone. He had apparently downloaded the ring. I looked at the number calling, it was our apartment. I picked up.

"Oh my God, I am so hung over. What the hell are you doing?"

"It's 9:05, we're five minutes behind schedule - are you coming?"

"You're crazy, what time did you get in?"

"3:30 this morning. Are you coming?"

"Give me 15 minutes to pack. I'll be down in a sec."

Twenty minutes later we were on the road, a 400-plus mile trip for one night of drinking. And oh, did we drink.

We got there right just as the sun was setting (after a quick one hour pit stop at the outlets on the way - I bought Banana Republic out while my roommate and his buddy bought nine pairs of shoes between the two of them).

We were visiting my roommate's cousin, an attractive 26-year-old Italian with shaggy hair and and awesome body, and his roommate, a 27-year-old English teacher/guitar player and song writer, also cute... but in that 27-year-old English teacher/guitar player and song writer way. After showers and a few beers, we headed off to dinner where I started the night right with a margarita the size of my head and Jaeger bombs.

Yea, it was one of those nights. Our next stop was a pub where I began to lose track of how many beers and shots we drank. Then finally, we went to a bar that had a pretty decent cover band playing. I was already seeing double at this point... and noticing the English Teacher was starting to pay more attention to me than the rest of the group.

To put into perspective the type of night it was - while sitting at the bar, talking to the English Teacher, I looked over to see my roommate - my masculine, contractor, man's man of a roommate - putting make-up on the girl sitting next to him. What?! I guess his flirting tactic worked because 15 minutes later they were on the dance floor. And I don't know how long after but eventually I followed and was dancing with the English Teacher.

I don't know how long we were out there, but when he started sneaking kisses on my neck as we got down to Kool & the Gang's "Celebration," I decided I needed to sit down. Easier said than done, I suppose. I was sitting at an empty high-top chair, one I am sure I stole from someone who stepped away to get a second round, and English Teacher, my roommate's cousin and the girl my roommate was flirting with all came to check on me. They were standing around and I decided I had to tell the girl something, but needed to get closer to say it... I guess that's what I was doing... because I leaned in and fell smack on her. My roommate's cousin caught her from behind, English Teacher picked me up by my arms. They sat me safely back on my seat. I guess I had embarrassed them enough, because I spent the last 30 minutes seeing triple, watching as everyone danced, barefoot and alone on my high-top. And I was perfectly content.

It was one of those nights....

Finally we left. I walked two miles, barefoot in downtown Charleston (yes, I was that girl... it was one of those nights...), until we finally got to our car. I hardly remember the car ride home, just that I was sitting in the middle seat in the back with my roommate passed out on one shoulder and his friend on the other.

One of those nights...

We got back to their place where my roommate's friend passed out on one couch, and I on the other. English Teacher woke me up to put me in his bed. I apparently made a big scene about how I was not sleeping with him (don't really remember that...), but with my roommate's help they convinced me I was safe in his bed.

I woke up around 7:30, curled up in a ball, my head at the foot of his bed. The bed was large, and he was in it, but I guess I had decided to sleep head-to-toe just to be safe.

Around 9 we were all up. We showered, had lunch and drove another 400-miles home. Almost 1,000 miles of driving, just to have one of those nights...

And it was a much needed one of those nights...

Ok, so maybe I didn't just stick to the letter...

2005-11-04T09:56:00.000-05:00

Writing that letter helped. You can see how pissed I was (and drunk... etc.). So, I wrote that, got ready for bed and was going to sleep it off. Then, he called.

He was happy, excited to talk to me, wanted to talk about plans for me to visit during the holidays. I didn't want to talk.

"What's wrong? You sound worn out."

"Yea. I'm tired."

"Yea? What did you do tonight?"

"I really don't want to talk."

"Ok... are you sure you're just tired?"

"No, I'm upset also."

"About what?"

"Some things were said tonight that upset me."

"Things about us?"

"Things about you."

Pause. "About me. I'm guessing, my history."

"Yeap."

"Courtney?"

"Yeap."

"Well, Aphrodite, I'm sorry that things were brought up that upset you. But all I can say is that is in my past. I regret it, but it's in my past. And I can honestly tell you that I have been nothing but candid in who I am and how I feel about you. I have been open and honest with you to a frightening degree."

(And I should have left it at that, right? Nope. Drunk. Irrational. Upset....)

The order is a blur, but essentially, I told him I wanted answers. The affair was a "mistake," a "regret," fine. But then how could he go to dinner with her and her husband after the fact? If it was such a regret, then why hash it up? He said he wanted to talk about it in person. I told him I wanted answers before I allowed myself to see him in person again. But, I agreed to discuss it further at a more sober moment.

I told him it bothers me that she's still in my life. She could show up at my office at any moment for a client meeting, and "size me up." I didn't like that she was still in his best friend's life. That I sat there looking like a fool as his best friend discussed how much Courtney likes to party. How she's such a wild client.

And somewhere in all of this, it came out that he talked to Courtney while she was still in Miami. And I connected the dots and figured out he talked to her in my house.

"You see, Wanderer. It's not the past. It's hard enough for me to move beyond your past - but really, it's still in your life now. She's still in your life. How much regret can there be when you keep her around?"

"She's not in my life anymore."

"Did she call you?"

"Yes."

"Did you answer?"

"Yes."

"She's still in your life. It's so hard to trust you. You were so deceitful. And I want to believe that's not who you are. That it's something you regret and would never do again. But that's hard to believe when you keep your 'regret' around. It makes me question things."

"I would probably question things too."

"I just don't know what to think. I don't know what to trust. But, I need to go to bed before I say too much."

And we pretty much left it at that.

I woke up this morning and it still bothered me. I didn't regret telling him. I needed to. I ran for a half hour. It didn't help.

I just got an email from him. Very sweet, but basically saying goodbye.

A few excerpts:

I sat in my room last night writing this on a note pad as I looked at a black and white, smiling picture of the two of us - and I processed the sad, likely reality that such a picture will not be taken again.

The other week, you sent an email saying the cards were stacked against us and that you wanted to find, but couldn't see, the solution. I'm guessing you are now processing all the variables in this relationship again:
- This window in my past
- Your ability to trust me
- Its influence on your work and work environment
- The distance between us
- The uncertainty of your career and location
- The uncertainty of my career and location
- Our ages
- Aphrodite being young, sweet and - a new one - unfettered - free to experience life without constraints

I would have loved to have met you in Philly over the Thanksgiving weekend, met up later with Heather in Gettysburg, shared more in Manhattan, stolen you away for a weekend in Nashville or Wilmington.

You asked me to help you. Now I fear the best way to help you is to leave you alone.

I really don't know what else to say at this point. Maybe just that I had wished there was more time, more moments, more pictures.

And I don't know what to say. The list is dead-on. I don't know if I have the energy to begin a relationship with so many variables. Such wonderful guys are hard to find. But the timing, and the situation couldn't be more off.

Open drunken letter

2005-11-03T21:18:00.000-05:00

I'm drunk and I can't talk to/write Wanderer because it will be bad, so here's what I would say if I had no self-restraint and didn't just talk to Leora who convinced me tonight is not the best time to confront him (because, I'm drunk)...

Wanderer,

I'm sorry, I can't get over it. I'm pissed. I'm upset. I'm disappointed.

I know, it has nothing to do with me. But it has everything to do with you. And it makes me not trust you.

I was having drinks tonight with everyone from work and she came up. Yea, her. The woman you had an affair with for two years. Yea, that girl. She's still a client. Did you know that? You did, I know. Well, you know what? I didn't. I didn't know she was still in my life. In my co-workers' lives. In your best friend's life. I didn't know that when we were at dinner at T's house that one night and he was talking about how he was going to Miami on business and his client loved to party that he was talking about your ex-girlfriend of two years that WAS MARRIED!

You knew it, didn't you? You were sitting right next to me as he talked about Courtney. The fucking slut. That cheating hoe bag skank. You knew who he was talking about. You knew because you slept with her behind her husband's back for two years. You knew, didn't you? And I sat there naively.

Yes, I knew you had the affair when I met you. It bothered me. I told you. But I chose to "get over it." Or on the surface at least. But I did not know she was still in my life. I did not know she still talked to people I talk to on a regular basis. I did not know she was the jealous type and could not wait to meet me and "size me up." The girl who's dating her ex-a-fucking-ffiar.

I hate it. I fucking hate it.

I HATE IT.

It hurts me. A year after it ended (and it ended because you were caught - that's right, not because of morals or what-not, because people found out), you went and saw her. You sat across the dinner table from her husband, WHO YOU DECEIVED FOR TWO YEARS and had dinner with them. Smiles (I cheated with your wife). Small talk (I'm better in bed than you are). Eating (She sucked my dick then kissed you). Thanks for dinner, goodnight (she'll be thinking about me in bed with you tonight).

Deceitful. Hurtful. Even to me, and I wasn't there. How can I ever trust you? This is not the man I thought you were. But, this is the man you were before you met me. This is the man you are... how can I ever trust you? It hurts me. And I didn't even know you then. How will you hurt me in the future? How can I EVER trust you with my heart?

Do you still talk to her? You do, don't you? How can I believe you don't? How can I believe anything?

I'm drunk. I'm pissed. I'm upset.

I have no reason to be upset at you. You've done nothing to me. But I'm hurt. I am hurt. It's like you broke my heart. Like you broke my trust. It hurts like you cheated on me, even though it happened years before I came along. Why can I not move past it? Why can I not let go? Why does it hurt me so much?

How will I ever trust you?

I know I'm drunk and irrational and want to talk to you in person. But I will likely regret it in the morning, so I can't. Although I soooo want to. I want to know why. Why?! How? How could you ever do that? And even worse - the dinner afterwards? Who are you? Not the man I thought you were, not the man I wished you were, not the man I could trust with anything, not the man I could trust at all.

Fuck.

I'm drunk.

I'm pissed.

And I'm hurt.

But do I even have a reason to be?...

Fate?

2005-11-02T09:05:00.000-05:00

There has been a lot of talk about fate lately, which makes me think about where I came from and how I got here.

I told Wanderer a couple weekends ago, when I was having a very bad weekend, that my faith in "what's meant to be" is diminishing. A sad thought, as I was always a strong believer in everything happening for a reason. I think now that I said it because I was feeling down. I still think things happen for a reason... but I definitely question it more.

Let me start from the beginning.

When I was 18, I met my Big. The one I always tend to compare people to, the one I always think about when things get rough. I did not want to start dating him at the time because he lived in my hometown, an hour and 30 minutes from UGA, and I was about to start college.

But, I fell for him. He was great to me, and my rock when I was weak. So, we dated for three years. During that time, I drove home almost every weekend to be with him. Near the end of the relationship a friend of his called to see if I could cover her little sister's shift at a sports bar in town. Apparently, his friend had gotten her sister the hostessing job, only to have her sister decide she didn't want to work there. She felt obligated to find a replacement for her dropped shift that Sunday.

I had just been telling Big that I needed $50 to go to a concert. I had already told my friend to buy the ticket and didn't have the cash to pay him back. The five hour Sunday shift offered me $50 in cash. How perfect?

So, I took the shift, got my $50 and went to the concert. It was the easiest $50 I've ever made, and the next weekend when the same shift was offered again, I took it. And from there, it evolved into a regular gig.

Even after I broke things off with Big I would still drive into Atlanta on the weekends to work at the sports bar. I was averaging $100-$300 a weekend, depending on if I served or hostessed. It was an easy job, the customers were great, the owners loved me (I was the only one in college that worked there, they thought I was brilliant), and for only two days of work, it made me a ton of money for a poor college student.

I was working at this sports bar when I met Aesc.

I was in an unusually overtly flirty mood that day. I had seen Aesc. come in to the bar to watch Packers games every Sunday for a couple of months. He and his friend were the only two Packers fans that visited the bar under the age of 40.

One Packers game, when I was hostessing outside - pouring beers and handing out brats, I struck up a conversation with Aesc.'s friend. Later on, when I was passing out raffle tickets during half time, his friend continued to chat with me. His friend was not that cute. But Aesc. caught my eye. I wasn't head over heels for him at first, but he had a wit about him that made him attractive.

After the game the two boys stayed to chat with me as I ended my shift. Aesc. pushed his friend to get my cell phone number as they were planning to come up and watch a UGA game the following week.

His friend got my number, called, and the two of them came up to tailgate the next weekend. It was Aesc.'s second-to-last week in town. He had been visiting Atlanta from Wisconsin for two months, doing a rotation at Emory and staying with his parents who had moved to Ga. The original plan was for Aesc. to hang out with my roommate, me with his friend. But as the night went on, there was obvious chemistry between Aesc. and I. My roommate didn't care, so being the fabulous wing-woman she is, distracted Aesc.'s friend most of the night so Aesc. and I could talk.

And we talked all night. He was funny, smart, fun. We talked until 6 a.m., then went to bed, never kissing, just cuddling all night. Aesc. rode with his friend back to Atlanta the next day, and then came up alone the following weekend. We spent four days together, still never really hooking up, but having the best time.

After that visit he returned to Wisconsin. A month later, he bought a plane ticket so I could visit during my Thanksgiving break. That's when we officially became a long-distance couple. It was all a whirl-wind. We went on great trips, drank, partied and had wonderful chemistry in bed. It was illogical and completely emotional. I didn't care. It was "meant to be."

After almost a year Aesc. graduated med-school and moved to Cyprus to start his residency. A few months after that I graduated UGA, and in two days moved to Cyprus to be with him.

And that's where the magic was lost. There were no more vacations, there was less partying (but still as much drinking on his part), the chemistry seemed to drop off. We weren't meant to be. And it was blatantly obvious.

I ended it, and struggled to keep my bearings and stay in Cyprus on my own. And from there - you all know the story.

I met Wanderer two months before I broke up with Aesc. A month and a half after the break-up Wanderer and I hooked up. And now, here I am. Falling once again for a man who lives in another state.

Fate?

Meant-to-be?

I don't know. I don't know how much I can run on that anymore. In the past I would have said - I met Wanderer by moving to Cyprus for Aesc., so it was fate that I moved here. It was meant to be that I found Wanderer. But not anymore. I don't let myself think like that anymore.

I can't follow my heart the way I used to. Which is actually an ok thing. I'm being much more rational with Wanderer than I was with Aesc. (but then again, Wanderer is a much more rational person... he makes it easy). Instead of falling head-over-heels and running off in a tornado of emotion, doing whatever it takes to be with him, I am questioning every step of the way.

And he's patient, which I'm thankful for. I need patience right now. I can't throw it all to fate. What if I control my fate? What if my fate is not in NJ with Wanderer? What if I don't want it to be in NJ? What if I want it to be in Austin, Tx; or Atlanta, Ga; or Charleston, SC; or out West? What if my fate has nothing to do with Wanderer?

But in the meantime, I will enjoy his company. He treats me beautifully. He's the most kind man I have ever met.

Fate or not, I enjoy him. He makes me smile.

Maybe it's his fate, to move for me this time.

Finishing up

2005-10-27T10:41:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I don't think I'm going to finish the story in great detail - here's a quick recap:

To satisfy Badandy's needs, before we fell asleep, Wanderer did venture back outside the tent to clean up the site and hang the bear bag. When returning to the tent, the announced - I'm coming in and I'm taking off my rubber pants.

Drunken giggle - oooo, what a forceful man...

You can imagine where that lead.

Which brings me to my dilemma - now that Wanderer and I are becoming closer, more intimate, I find it increasingly difficult to write about him. He asked one night if he was my boyfriend or just a character on my blog. I told him I'd have to get back to him about that. He didn't like my smartass answer.

Anyway - the next morning we woke up, tossed around and (I) woke up every animal on top of the mountain. Let me tell you how liberating it is to just let out a pleasure-induced scream knowing there isn't anyone around for miles to hear.

After a quick breakfast of granola bars on an outcropping overlooking a brief glimpse of a mountain view, cut short by clouds, Wanderer and I made it back to camp to pack up. He was bent over his bag when I turned around to ask him something and found myself saying... "oh my God, look up."

He looked up to see the two deer from the day before only a few yards from us. We both stood there, frozen as they came closer. They walked around our camp looking for something to eat, coming at one point only two arm lengths away from us. It was genuinely beautiful. I was smart enough to take my camera out of my pocket this time and snap a few shots.

After they left, we continued packing and hiked off the mountain. We made a few stops at a local pottery store, then breakfast, an apple orchard and a few more wineries. These wineries were of much better quality than the day before, and we ended up buying three bottles to take home.

It was by far the best weekend I have had since moving to Cyprus. And that's when I decided I had to make Wanderer more than just a weekend fling.

So that's the hiking trip recap. Wanderer was supposed to leave the following Tuesday morning before my good friend, Gabrielle came to town. He ended up staying through her visit and did not leave until a week and a day later than he originally planned.

And who has the mojo - that's all I've got to say...

Alright, now that that's over - tonight is an Ad Club social. Where I met Ad Guy. And this was my last communique with Ad Guy.

Yeap...

Should be interesting.

I know he'll be there. I'm already blushing.

I'll let you know how it goes....

Intermission

2005-10-23T01:13:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I haven’t finished my story yet about our hiking trip, but I just got off the phone with Wanderer and I have to “talk” about it for a second.

So, when I finish my story (eventually), Wanderer and I have a great trip and by the end of his stay he officially takes the title of boyfriend.

While we touched on the subject of us and where we are going/how it’s going to work out, he kept putting it off to “enjoy the moment.” Which was nice, but still left things unfinished.

Well, tonight we had the talk.

Wanderer is currently in the process of looking for jobs. I’m pushing for him to come down to Cyprus. It doesn’t appear that he will be doing so. I cannot, more correctly, will not date someone long distance. And I cannot (will not) move to be with someone with which I have not lived in the same town. And as he so accurately said, I must respect the same consideration for him. I cannot expect him to move here for me.

His thoughts are that he left Cyprus because he no longer wanted to be here. I currently don’t want to be here. Is it really a good idea for him to move here? Especially when I want to leave in a year or so? Maybe it is best that he move somewhere I may be interested in moving to in a year.

But I don’t know where I want to move, and I don’t want him to be a consideration in where I move before spending more time together – and a long-distance relationship won’t cut it for me right now. I will not be willing to take him into consideration in my next move unless we live in the same town, date as normal people and have a healthy relationship.

Everything worked out so poorly when I moved here for Aesc. I am not capable of taking such a risk again so soon. I know how it can turn out. I cannot do it twice in a row.

He was completely understanding of all of that, and very supportive that I be selfish after the year I’ve been through.

So, I said with neither of us willing to make certain moves for the other, it seems inevitable that we will not work out. And that makes me wonder when I should step out. Should I step out now, before we become even more emotionally involved? He’s friends with my co-workers, I don’t want things to be messy when he comes to town. Is it better that we end it now before we get too deep?

He asked if we were leaving the conversation broken up. I asked to sleep on it.

I was hoping he’d be able to take the leap of faith that I cannot right now.

It doesn’t sound like he will….

And silently, I hurt.

Wanderer, me, the rain and the trees

2005-10-22T16:58:00.000-04:00

The next morning, we woke up and tossed around in bed a little. It was Saturday and the day of our long awaited hiking trip. As predicted, it was cool and raining outside. That’s alright – I had my new hiking outfit and a cute boy to keep me warm through the night. I was set.

We pulled out our backpacks, went through and consolidated our camping gear, packed up his Jeep, stopped by a grocery store to pick up breakfast, snacks and Roman for dinner and then we were off – a three hour ride for a 45 minute hike.

On the way to the trail, Wanderer and I had to pass four wineries. With the weather not being that which promoted getting to the site early to look around, we decided to take a few detours and taste some local wine.

The first two places we stopped were really nice, but we were being uncharacteristically picky, always saying – well, let’s see what they have at the other places. Until finally, we had stopped at three wineries and had yet bought a bottle of wine for the trip.

So, we’re down to the last stop, can’t be picky anymore. We pull up and see the vineyards. The grapes look ill. The vines weren’t plump and full like the past three vineyards. We continue down the drive to see the tasting room.

“Wanderer, is this the right place?”

“Uhh… I was kind of thinking the same thing myself.”

“Oh my God, it looks like someone’s house.”

“Look at the basketball goal in the front yard.”

“I know. Seriously, is this the right place?”

“The sign says it is.”

“Ok…”

We park and get out of his Jeep, taking a moment to look up at the two-story house. Basketball goal in front, kids toys laying on the patio, crooked, wooden stairs leading up to a door on the second floor. We looked at each other, held hands and decided to just go with it.

As we walked up the stairs, they became more uneven and squeaky the closer we got to the top.

“I’m kind of nervous,” I said.

“Yea, I’m kind of afraid we’re about to walk into someone’s living room.”

We get to the door, I look back at Wanderer, standing directly behind me, smile and say, “should I knock?”

He laughs.

“Alright,” I say, “here we go…”

I crack open the door and see a bar. Guess we’re in the right place. So, we step inside. Behind the bar are two women, one about 50, the other at least 70. The younger of the two stepped up to serve us. She was heavy, with white-blonde hair caked in hairspray. She wore bright red lipstick, accented by a rectangular streak of orangish-pink blush and baby blue eye shadow. Below her eyes sat a semi-circle of smeared mascara, as if she had blinked very hard immediately after putting it on. Wanderer and I just look at each other and smile.

As we sipped on our glasses, I took a moment to look around the room. The walls had wood paneling and the curtains looked like they belonged in my grandmother’s kitchen, off-white (though, I wonder if they were white when first purchased) with faded grape and floral print. Next to the curtains, the wall was lined with old photographs of famous visitors to the vineyard, framed in mismatched wooden frames, covered in dust.

“Wanderer, I don’t recognize any of the ‘celebrities’ on their wall.”

“That’s because they’re all state government officials from the 1980s.”

Ha. Nice.

From there, my eyes scanned above the bar. Dust covered bottles proudly displayed blue ribbons. From as far as I could tell, this vineyard had not won an award in at least ten years.

The perfect place to find the bottle that would join us on our hike.

After tasting the few bottles they had to offer, Wanderer and I agreed on the one that was 'not terrible' and headed off for the woods.

When we got to the mountain, there was a constant cold mist. We slid into our packs and started off on the trail.

Wanderer and I have an ongoing joke about his uncontrollable mojo. It’s out of hand, I tell him. Besides the amount of unwanted females that tend to fall in love with him (50 year old accountants, 17 year old interns, girlfriends mothers, etc.), Wanderer’s mojo tends to attract animals in the woods.

This man has more bear stories than I have ever heard. Once, when he was walking on the same trail we were about to hike he came across four deer that joined him in hiking the trail for over five minutes, and in the same trip he came face to face with a bear walking up the trail as he was walking down.

I had told him several times before our trip – no bears, Wanderer. Attract all the deer you want, but please, no bears.

Half way up the trail, Wanderer suddenly stops in front of me.

Holy shit, what.

He turns and looks at me, eyes wide open.

What, what, what, what?!

He waves me to come closer, I creep up, look over his shoulder and see two deer. A doe and her fawn.

“Wow.”

He smiles at me, “yeah.”

They stayed only a few yards away from us. We watched for a while and then moved on. When we reached the top of the mountain we went to an outcropping to see if there was a view. Nothing. Completely white. We were in the middle of a cloud and could see as it wisped by us.

Cold and wet, we set up camp. That night Wanderer spent two hours making “the most delicious Roman noodles in the world.” Why two hours? Our stove kept blowing out.

As he was outside, cold and wet, cooking dinner for the two of us, I was inside, dry and warm, snuggled up with our 'not terrible' bottle of wine.

Finally, the noodles were done and he came to join me in the tent.

“I’m so sorry I left you in here by yourself the whole time. So, where’s the wine?”

I pass him the bottle, he pours himself a half a glass, finishing the entire bottle. He looks at me, “Look at you. I was sitting here feeling bad for leaving you in here by yourself, and you’re drunk! You drank the whole bottle by yourself.”

I bust out laughing.

“You think this is funny?”

“Yes.”

“It is kind of funny.”

“You know what’s funnier?”

“What?”

“Your bright blue rubber pants you’re wearing right now.”

Hahaha!

“Eat your Roman.”

“Ok. Thank you."

Smile. Kiss.

After dinner, we cuddled up, keeping each other warm. Talking and kissing and laughing until we fell asleep.

To be continued...

And he arrives

2005-10-19T19:35:00.000-04:00

As the night went on, people slowly started to drift out of the bar. It was 8 p.m., and Wanderer was due any minute.

Every time someone walked in the bar, my eyes would dart towards the door, skin pricked, heart jumping. Until finally, someone walked in, and it was him.

My heart started pounding in my ears. I had been drinking for a few hours, and seeing his face did not help my alcohol-induced flush. As the bouncer checked his ID, I shifted my weight to hide behind Ageless, who was sitting between me and the door. Seeing my odd behavior, Ageless turned to see Wanderer, having just entered the door. As Ageless turned, so did the rest of the small crowd still waiting on Wanderer, all between me and the door.

He approached the bar and everyone welcomed him one-by-one, standing up, giving him hugs. Finally, he arrived at me. We locked eyes, and I instantly smiled.

I reached up from my bar stool to meet him with a hug. He turned his head, his lips brushing my ears. In a low, soft voice he said, "hey."

And suddenly, I was relaxed.

"Hey," I whispered back.

He squeezed tighter. And then let go, sliding his hands down my arms until his right hand found my left hand and took hold. I was sitting sideways on my stool, facing Ageless and the rest of the crowd. Wanderer was standing behind me, continuing to hold my hand as he talked to everyone who had been awaiting his arrival.

As he caught-up with friends, I shifted in my seat. I was wearing a skirt. I uncrossed my legs and re-crossed them, moving my right leg from the bottom to the top. And with that, I turned slightly so his hand could brush my bare knee and my shin could rest against his leg.

He wasn't looking at me at the time, but as his hand brushed my leg, he smiled and then slowly shifted his eyes to the right, looking at me with a smirk. He let go of my hand to squeeze my knee. It gave me chills.

After spending an appropriate amount of time talking to the group as a whole, Wanderer took a seat next to me. I turned to face him, my back to the rest of our friends. As we talked, once again my hand found his. Palms open, we slid our fingers up and down each other's hand. That simple motion was very calming. Connecting. Chemistry. It felt good to be with him again.

A few hours passed and eventually we were left with the typical late-night group - Wanderer, Ageless and myself. Wanderer and I walked with Ageless to his car and said goodbye. Then I walked with Wanderer to his Jeep. Side-by-side, his arm over my shoulders, mine around his waist.

"Wow, the motorcycle cowboy actually owns a car."

"I told you, I can be normal," and with that, his arm slid off my shoulder and he turned me to face him.

I smiled.

He smiled.

And we kissed.

Light-headed, I pulled away. Our eyes met. Chemistry...

He opened the Jeep door for me.

"What a gentleman."

"At your service."

"I like the sound of that... "

...and he wasn't lying...

He drove to my apartment. He kissed my neck as I opened the door. He continued to kiss me as we got inside. We moved towards the stairs, and with every step we kissed. And kissed. And kissed. Until finally, we reached the top of the three flights of stairs. He brought me to my bed and was 'at my service' late into the night.

To be continued...

Awaiting his arrival

2005-10-19T18:27:00.000-04:00

Oh yes, I think it is time to reevaluate who in this relationship wears the mojo.

Wanderer came to town last Friday, no, not last Friday, the Friday before last and intended to simply stay until Tuesday (that is, the Tuesday before last). Simple plans – roll into town, pick up the girl, take her hiking and ride off into the sunset after a nice weekend...

…instead…

He woke up Friday, October 7, and registered his Jeep (the first time it’s been registered, and the first time he’s had car insurance, in about a year), in order to ride more comfortably to see his love goddess. That’s right, I got the man to register his car – not a small feat, making a motorcycle cowboy spend two hours at the DMV and pay for car insurance.

I waited anxiously, receiving periodic updates about his location and the weather. 5 p.m. rolled around and my entire office decided to go out for drinks at a new bar. Wanderer was about three hours away.

Plenty of time to get tipsy in anticipation of his arrival…

Since Wanderer’s last visit, the cat has slowly been creeping out of the bag about us. A handful of people know for sure. Many more speculate. The announcement of his arrival a mere two weeks since his last visit led to direct questioning that night.

“Sooo… Aphrodite… Wanderer?”

“Wanderer?”

“Yea, isn’t he coming to town?”

“Yeap, that’s what I heard.”

“Aren’t you guys, like, hanging out?”

“We’ve hung out.”

“Are you hanging out this weekend?”

“Yea, I think that’s the plan.”

“What are you doing?”

“Hiking.”

“Hiking? Just the two of you?”

“Wanderer, me, the rain and trees.”

“So… do you think… you know, like, do you think you guys will hook-up?”

“Ha! Of course.”

…Stunned stare...

I mean, if you want to know, just freaking ask already. It’s really not a secret. The night went on, more drinks were had. Questions continued to be asked. I continued to be difficult.

“So, are you guys dating or what?”

“Well, technically, we haven’t been on a date.”

“But, you like him, right?”

“He’s alright.”

“He’s alright? You guys are like always hanging out.”

“He’s in another state, I’m sure we aren’t always hanging out.”

“Yea, but, when he’s here you hang out.”

“Yea, and so does Ageless. And T. And Life Coach. And…”

“You know what I mean.”

“I guess. Yea. We’ve hung out.”

“Didn’t he like spend the weekend with you last time he was here?”

Blank stare flows into an agreeing nod and half smile. “Ok. Yes, we hang out.”

“And you like him?”

“He’s the one visiting me – I think he likes me.”

“But you don’t like him?”

“Well, now, I never said that.”

“So, are you dating or not?”

“Well, technically, we haven’t been on a date.”

Loud sigh, “I give up.”

Coy smile…

To be continued...

The Wanderer dance

2005-10-07T09:50:00.000-04:00

Wanderer's coming... Wanderer's coming!

He's coming today...

Yippity yay...

Aphrodite's going to get laid...

Wanderer's coming today!

...Hooray for me... (and of course, I'm freaking exhausted... although, I'm sure I'll perk up when he strolls into town)

Bread head

2005-10-04T16:29:00.000-04:00

Have you ever gone to the grocery store to buy low-fat cheese only to return with a loaf of whole-wheat bread?

And then, when you open the fridge to store the unnecessary loaf of bread, you see two other loafs of whole-wheat bread – one unopened, the other not even half through and you think to yourself – is this really the second day in a row that I have made the same mistake?

Yea…

I’m starting to wonder if it’s a brain tumor.

Speaking of tumors – I quit smoking!

Yes, it’s true folks.

I waited to reach the three week mark before I blabbed to the Internet (it’s actually been three weeks and two days). I’ve heard the first three weeks are the hardest. It really hasn’t been that bad.

I’ve become very stubborn lately. I’ve been making up my mind on things, and once decided upon, that’s it.

I will no longer smoke.

I will no longer let the situation with Leora get to me.

I will do both cardio and lift weights every day of the workweek.

I will eat healthy.

I will not pester with things that do not make me happy.

I will no longer put too much effort into making others happy and not enough into making me happy.

I will become more organized and step it up at work.

It’s like the New Year came early (or maybe I’m just late getting around to this year’s resolutions…). Now, if only I can get my mind around that whole cheese-versus-bread situation…

Roughing it in style

2005-10-02T10:05:00.000-04:00

Next weekend I’m going hiking with my new male interest, so this weekend I did what any modern American girl would do – I spent $140 on a new hiking outfit.

Oh, yes…

Ok, so it’s not as bad as it sounds. Over half of that $140 was spent on a new North Face rain coat that I’ve wanted for a long time anyway.

You see, I spent many years hiking with my father growing up. His trail name is The Rain Man, because it never fails, we could be in the middle of a draught, but the weekend my father decides to go on a backpacking trip, it pours. My high school senior spring break I spent hiking with my father and brother on the Appalachian Trail, from North Carolina to Amicalola Falls in Georgia. The six days we were on the Trail, it rained four and snowed on a fifth.

I learned the importance of backpacking with rain gear and clothes that dry quickly.

As of right now, the forecast calls for showers next weekend. Unless Wanderer backs out, which I doubt he will, we’re backpacking in the rain. I needed a new rain coat. Yes, I said needed. Shush, I needed it...

And while I was at it, I started thinking about all of my old hiking clothes. Much of them have been thrown out or were left home when I moved, as it has been years since I’ve backpacked. So, I went to Target and picked up a few more necessities – new sports bra (ok, ok, so I already have like five, but a girl can always use another), new polyester/nylon shorts, new mesh pull-over pants, new nylon long sleeved shirt, new earrings (…ok, so the earrings aren’t for hiking – but they’re super cute and I just had to have them!), etc. All matching very well together, of course.

$140 later, and this girl is ready to hike in style.

...And this is why my father hated hiking with a girl…

I think I'm dying

2005-09-30T10:39:00.000-04:00

Wanderer left Sunday night, soon before his departure, my back started hurting. I thought it might be from the way I was laying on the couch with him. But as the night went on, it felt worse.

The next morning, Monday, my lower back was killing me so much I found it hard to walk down the stairs. When I told Leora, at work, she said - "Maybe it's because of all the extra action you've been getting with Wanderer in town."

Hmm... maybe?

I took an Advil and felt better.

Wednesday morning, I woke up not feeling so hot. A little worn down. I figured I was dehydrated. I guzzled some water and headed out to the gym. Twenty minutes into my cardio and my lower back was killing me again, but this time it was coupled with a splitting headache, dizziness and weakness. I cut out of the gym early to lay down a bit before I had to go to work.

After an extra 30 minute nap, I showered. Getting out of the shower, I was freezing. I couldn't stop shivering. I layered up - jeans, three shirts and a jacket. I could not get warm. So, I put on a pair of socks. Didn't help. A second. Still cold. A third.

I tried to push through, and drove to work. On the drive there my stomach joined my back and headache, and I began to feel nauseous.

When I got out of my car, my whole body was weak. My head was pounding, I was freezing, and was starting to feel disoriented and dizzy. I got upstairs, turned on my computer, looked at it for 5 minutes before I decided - I cannot do this, told my boss I was going home, and left.

Luckily I only live a few blocks from work, but driving back in the state I was in was the most painful experience. I was near weeping looking for a parking space, until I finally found one a block away from my house.

My body was so weak at this point, there was no way I was carrying my bags with me. I didn't even bring my purse. I just took my keys, walked to my house and dragged myself up the three flights of stairs to my room. There, with all the energy I had left, I changed into sweatpants, a tank top, a short sleeved shirt, a long sleeved shirt and a sweatshirt, leaving the three pairs of socks on, and climbed under my down comforter. Finally, I fell asleep.

Four hours later I woke up. No longer cold or nauseous. Just a killer headache. I drank three glasses of water then headed back to work around 1 to finish up the day. A migraine was the most popular guess. I didn't know what it was, only that it was crippling and I was glad it had passed.

Thursday morning I felt fine. I went to the gym, got a good work out in. Went to work, made it through the morning fine. Around 10 my back, on the left side of my body, under my ribs, started hurting, but not too bad. But around 11:30, I started to get cold again. Then freezing. I pulled my gloves out of my desk, left there from winter. I put on socks I had brought just in case this happened again. I borrowed a co-worker's blanket... still freezing. And the headache kicked in. Then I started feeling disoriented. I couldn't concentrate enough to write my boss an email saying I think I need to head home. So I called her, then asked Leora to drive me to the doctor - something is definitely wrong.

On the ride to the doctor's office, I kept feeling worse and worse. Colder and colder. Achier and achier.

When the doctor called me back, I had a fever of 102. I told her my symptoms and she smiled (this isn't something to smile about!). "It's a kidney infection. Classic symptoms. You could be the poster child."

Great.

They ran a few tests, and she was right. By the time I was ready to leave the office, I could no longer feel my toes - freezing, literally, never felt so cold. The doctor made me take Tylenol and said my fever was probably worse now than when I came in. She said the Tylenol would help, prescribed me some antibiotics and sent me home to rest.

I was so disoriented by the fever when I got home, I almost slept on my couch downstairs. But, I pulled myself up to my top floor and passed out under my sheets for the rest of the evening. I woke up at 5 to eat some soup and drink more water in two hours than I typically do in an entire day.

Around 8:30 p.m., the fever came back. I took Tylenol and headed off to bed until 10 a.m. this morning.

I'm feeling better already. Just a side ache. No fever (currently).

The doctor called to remind me how important it is that I come in for a follow-up. Don't worry doc, I'll be there. I've never felt so ill in my life.

Trapped

2005-09-27T22:47:00.000-04:00

I don't want to be here anymore.

I moved to Cyprus to be with Aesc. I have wanted to leave ever since we broke up. But, I have a great job. It's providing me great opportunities. Also, at the time of the break up, I had a best friend. Leora acted as a great distraction from my despise for the city in which I am stuck.

Leora and I haven't been hanging out anymore. There's no real reason. No true falling out. She's just one of those people who goes through best girlfriends like she's dating. I knew my time as her closest friend would come to an end as it has for the several "best friends" of hers I have met throughout my year in Cyprus.

So, with my boyfriend and my best friend gone, I have little emotional attachment to this town.
I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm only here for logical reasons - a good job, a great opportunity to prove myself, a stepping stone to a successful future.

But I don't enjoy my day-to-day life.

Friends visiting from home and the weekends Wanderer is in town have been some of my best times in Cyprus. That says something, doesn't it?

And of course, this complicates things even more with Wanderer.

I know I can not move again for a man. I just can't. Not now.

But how can I ask him to move here, when I am not sure how long I will stay?

Also, as much as I cannot move for a man right now, I also cannot stay for a man. So, if I ask him to move here, and he does... I can't promise him I'll still be around once he has started settling in to his new home and job.

I feel stuck.

Once again.

Stuck.

Pillow talk

2005-09-27T15:51:00.000-04:00

We were lying there in bed. Kissing. Cuddling. Buzzed from the wine and high from the good time. I was silently thinking...

“What’s on your mind? Talk to me,” he said. He took his arm that rested under my head and used it to wrap around my back, lifting me up and on to his chest. He slide his right leg under my body, so I could lay on top of him, he on his back, me on his chest. Both of his arms were wrapped around my body, my head rested on chest. We couldn’t get closer.

“What’s your secret, Wanderer?”

“What’s my secret?”

“Yea. What’s the one thing you do not want me to know? What’s your secret?”

“Wow.”

Silence.

“It’s funny you ask that. Today I had been thinking about you, and thinking about – if I were to open up to Aphrodite, what would I tell her?”

He paused. He was laying on his back, as I stayed silently on his chest. While I wasn’t looking up at him, I could tell his eyes were wide open. His was looking straight up at the ceiling. Working through the words in his head.

“If I were to completely open up to Aphrodite, what would I say. I guess it would be, that I was hurt very badly in the relationship in which I was engaged. And I have been afraid to get into a relationship since.”

“Yea?”

“Yea. For a long time afterwards, all I wanted to do was spend time with myself. You know, after a long relationship, you start to become that double-name. Well, I had to rediscover myself, and what I liked to do on my own, as Wanderer and just Wanderer.”

(I know all to well…)

“So, do you think you’re still afraid?” I asked.

“Well, I have a strong desire to be a part of a couple.”

“Why is that?”

“Because, as a couple, you can do more. You can accomplish more together, if you have the same hopes and dreams.”

“But you’re afraid to give your heart away?”

“Well, I’ve had my heart to myself for a long time now. And I’ve had a long time to find myself.”

(…but now I wonder if I’m comfortable that I’ve found myself. I wonder if I’ve had my heart to myself for a long enough time. I wonder if I’m ready for this…)

I laid there in silence.

“Aphrodite, if you’re scared, just say so.”

“Wanderer, I’m scared to death.”

After thoughts

2005-09-25T20:59:00.000-04:00

Why do I always fall for guys who live in other towns than myself?

Wanderer left this afternoon. He's coming back in two weeks and we're going camping.

Wanderer lives about 9 hours from Cyprus. Yet, he is the first guy since Aesc. that I have allowed myself to enjoy being with. When I met Aesc., he lived 13 hours from me. Before Aesc. was Big, and he lived about 2 hours from me.

Why can I not date men who live in the same town as I do?

Wanderer and I talked about it Friday night. While I long for companionship, I think I'm afraid of commitment.

Especially now, I'm afraid of losing myself. I gave up a lot for Aesc. I moved to a new town, I started a new life, I gave up my plans, I became completely dependent on him. I should have broke up with him long before I did. It took me a long time to gain the courage, and ever since I have put a lot of time and energy into finding myself again.

I'm still in the process - finding what makes me happy, what makes me me. It feels good to be independent. And being away from home, it could be very easy for me to become wrapped up in a new man. Lose myself again. Just when I'm starting to feel comfortable, finding it.

The last thing I want(ed) was another relationship. But Wanderer came along, and there's something between us that cannot be denied. We have not spent all that much time together, but I feel very strongly for him. I love who I am with him. I love being with him - looking at him, talking to him, laughing with him, flirting with him, rolling around in bed with him. And there's an added safety in him not living here - I still have to live my life day-to-day 'single.'

So, I'm scared. I don't want to lose myself. But maybe the answer is finding someone to enjoy myself with, doing the things I want to do, someone who reinforces myself.

Maybe I should just let go and see where fate takes me.

In two weeks, he returns.

Scandalous

2005-09-23T09:57:00.000-04:00

Wanderer and my hooking up has remained a relative secret thus far. The first night we got together, I had walked to my car with Ageless, then drove around the front of the bar to find Wanderer and invite him back to my house.

The next day we saw each other at a soccer game. Said our goodbyes there, then met up at my apartment afterwards. Same happened when he first rolled into town this time – we hugged goodbye at the bar, then met in the street in front of my apartment.

A few people know. Leora and T, Wanderer’s best friend. Others know I like him, as I’ve discussed it openly since before anything ever happened. Ageless has seen us flirt, ‘make eyes’ at each other, monopolize each other’s time and recently he saw us holding hands, faces only inches from each other. People are catching on.

But that’s ok.

At first I didn’t want anyone to know because I wanted to figure out what was going on myself. Also, you never know what will happen after the first hook-up, so I didn’t want anyone to jump to conclusions too early.

But when I’m with him, there’s no other man on earth. Hours fly by like mere seconds. I could roll around in bed and kiss him for days. I don’t want to keep it a secret.

T told me Life Coach was inquiring about Wanderer and I. Yesterday I went to her office to let her know out right – there is something going on. What, I am unsure of exactly. But we like each other a lot and I don’t want that to turn into a huge scandal.

If people don’t figure it out during this trip, they may catch on when 1) T leaves town today for a business trip and Wanderer sticks around for a few more days (everyone assumes he stays the night at T’s house when he’s in Cyprus), and 2) Wanderer leaves this Sunday only to return less than two weeks later to visit me.

I told him - you keep visiting like this, and people are going to think you have a girlfriend in town or something.

He just laughed.

Not perfect

2005-09-22T14:18:00.000-04:00

When I'm with him, I fall hard and fast, so I'm writing this post if for nothing else, to remind me that he is not perfect, and tell my hopeless romantic, idealistic self to slow down, dammit.

Wanderer.

Thus far, I have written several wonderful things about him. We have chemistry. He sweeps me off my feet. He treats me the way I only imagined I could be treated. He makes me laugh. He stimulates me mentally. He's great. But, he's not perfect. This I have to admit to myself, and to you.

To start with, Wanderer is 10 years older than me. dosen't bother me, really. But I know some people (Leora) thought it was a big deal at first. I defend this by saying after college and before children/marriage, aren't we all really in the same life stage? And isn't life stage more prominent than age?

But with those extra 10 years, Wanderer has gained extra baggage. Much of it I have heard from my co-workers. Last night he actually touched on a few things himself. He knew I'd already know everything though - we have a tight-knit company. Everyone knows everyone else's personal business.

To start with, he has been engaged. It was to his college girlfriend. They lived together for several years before she decided to move to LA to pursue an acting career. Original plans were for him to join her, taking a job at my current company because we have an office on the west coast that he hoped to transfer to. Apparently, things changed when she moved out there. She may have slept with someone else. Whatever it was, things had changed and he called off the engagement.

Clean enough baggage, right? Well, they still talk. A little over a year ago when he was on his cross-country bike trip, he made a two-week stop in LA to visit her (they broke it off like four years ago). I highly doubt he was sleeping on the couch those two weeks. They still talk regularly. She still wants to marry him. She had hoped that after his soul-searching bike trip he would join her in LA and settle down. He didn't. Now she's moving back to the east coast, near him. I know she's going to try and get together.

Ex-fiance still around... not the type of baggage I'm a fan of. When it's over, it's over. I have no time for ex's around in my life, and don't understand how other people do (unless there's some hooking up still going on).

Ok, so that's bag number one. Bag number two is bigger and more ominous.

While working at my company, Wanderer took part in an affair with a married co-worker for two years. Wow, huh? Yea. I know. Morally questionable, to say the least. Eventually the affair got out at work (the husband still doesn't know), she quit, the affair went on for a little while longer and eventually it ended. You know what's even worse? Right before he left for his bike trip a little over a year ago, he went to her house to have dinner with her and her still clueless husband. Now that's the one that bothers me. How disrespectful. It's actually pretty upsetting to me.

Last night the affair was brought up. Morally questionable actions, I said. He agreed, solemnly but tried to explain that while morally questionable, it was based on true feelings for a person. Still something I would never take part in. I could tell he was embarrassed by his past, and struggling with it internally, so I ended the conversation by saying I've done things I also regret (going back to an abusive boyfriend, for one).

So there it is in a nutshell. Wanderer drama. He's not perfect. Something I need to remember and be wary of. How trustworthy is a man who has taken part in such dubious activities in the past? How can he still be talking to and possibly hooking up with his ex-fiance after four years? Is he trustworthy based on that alone? And then to sneak around for two years behind a husband's back? And go to dinner in his house, sitting across the table from the man you decived.?

I try not to dwell on the past, but it is an indicator of the future, right?

Don't get me wrong, I still like him a lot. I just need to remind myself of his flaws and proceed with greater caution than I have been using thus far.

He's back (part II)

2005-09-20T11:21:00.000-04:00

I just sat here for 20 minutes, staring at my screen, watching the vertical black line blink that indicates where to start typing my assigned write-up on referral marketing. I don't know what he does, but he makes me feel wonderful, even long after we've said goodbye. I feel so at peace right now, it almost brings me to tears...

Yesterday morning I arrived at work to read an email from Wanderer – he was on his way down to Cyprus. Throughout the day he’d email me updates from his Blackberry. At 4:30 he was a block and a half away from my work, sitting at a bar having a beer.

Ageless went to join him. Then MB. And Leora. Wanderer’s best friend, T (the only other person besides Leora who knows we’ve hooked up) stopped by my office – You know Wanderer is in town, right?

- Oh, I know.

He laughed. – So, when are you going to head over there?

I was sitting there, staring at my computer screen. No real work to start. Just killing time. – I’ll make it over. I’m just taking my time.

- You crack me up.

I smile.

He shakes his head and leaves.

At 6, I collect my things and head over to the bar. As I approach the table, Wanderer’s back is to me. The only empty seat left is between him and Leora. I walk up and take it. He turns to smile at me – Hey.

- Hey. How are you?

- Good. So, you’re back in town?

He smiles at me and gives me the look. Oh yea, my body tingles, he’s back.

Several other people joined us within the hour. As chairs moved to fit more people in, Wanderer and I ended up directly across the table from each other.

There was conversation throughout the table. Not much between Wanderer and I at first, but there never is. We always feel around each other for a while, get comfortable in our setting, then zoom in.

I was moving at my typical slow pace, but he was throwing his mojo out there much stronger than I was. I’d be talking or listening to those around the table, and catch him staring at me. I’d meet his gaze until I couldn’t take it anymore, blush and look away with a huge smile on my face.

At one point I tried to maintain the gaze. Wanderer had been talking to T, sitting beside him. As T noticed that Wanderer was not paying attention to him, he looked to see what exactly he was staring at. Across the table, he saw me matching the stare, and started to laugh. So I started to laugh. And so did Wanderer.

Yea, it’s still there.

Slowly, people drifted home. At 9:30, it was Wanderer, Ageless and myself. We all walked to the parking lot. Ageless was on the phone, Wanderer started laying it on thick.

My typical self was still shying away, he was leaning in close, very close, to ask me where I was going. I told him - Home, maybe?

- Home? Hmm… (smile)

- Where are you going?

- I don’t know. I was thinking about trying to get you to come to Ease with me.

- Ease, huh?

- Yea, have you ever been there?

- Just for lunch.

- You should come. We can talk.

All of this, with his face right next to my ear, his hands trying to hold my waist … me playing hard to get and sliding away…

Ageless was on the phone but obviously listening in and made a face when he heard Wanderer ask me to join him at another bar. I stepped away from Wanderer, who was leaning in so close he could have kissed me. A few safe feet away, I shot him a smile. He gave me his look. We say so much in silence.

Ageless gets off the phone, Wanderer invites him to join us at Ease. He accepts.

Once there, Wanderer sat between us. We talked. I tried my hardest to keep Ageless involved in the conversation, Wanderer tried his best to pretend there was no one else in the room other than us.

When Ageless stepped outside to answer his phone again, Wanderer looked at me. His face relaxed, completely focused on me, tuned in. - How are you?

- I’m good, I’m glad you’re here.

- Me too. I’m sorry we couldn’t talk more earlier. There were so many people there.

- That’s fine. I know I’ll get my time with you. I’m not worried about it.

He smiles. – You look beautiful tonight. You really do.

- Thank you.

He smiles and nods. We sat there, staring at each other. Our eyes saying a thousand things until Ageless returned to the bar and broke up our silent conversation.

As the night went on, we joked. We flirted. I felt so comfortable around him. He makes me smile without trying. Eventually Ageless left once again to go to the bathroom. Wanderer turned to me, his face no longer engaged in conversation, but relaxed, comfortable, honest, hungry – I’ve wanted to kiss you all night.

I smile.

He leans in. Only a few inches from my face and every hair on my body is on end. My head becomes light. My breathing slows down. My heart speeds up. Electricity lights between us. And we kiss. Slowly, softly. I open my eyes, dizzy. He says, - wow. I nod, in agreement.

I’m so tuned in to him. He says, - I missed you so much. I know, it sounds weird, but… I think about you a lot.

- Yea? Me too. Too much sometimes, I think.

- Well, I think it’s a mutual feeling.

I reach my hand out and grab his hand, rested in his lap. He meets it with a hard squeeze. Mere inches from each other’s face, we smile. Eyes locked. Electricity flying.

I didn’t even see Ageless return to his seat, but all of a sudden he was there.

Embarrassed, I smile, pull my hand and face away, and retreat to the bathroom. In the bathroom I look in the mirror. My face is flush. What is it about this boy? How does he do this to me?

When I returned to the bar, we finished our beers and went our separate ways. Wanderer was parked right outside of the bar. We hugged goodbye. Ageless walked me to my car. I drove home, parked, and met Wanderer in the middle of my street with a long, slow kiss. Kiss complete, I pull away and look in his eyes – Hey, he says.

- Hey.

I’ve missed him. The way he touches me. The way he listens to me. The way he reads my body. The way we flow together, always in tune with each other. He drives me crazy. And after 2 hours of touching me, caressing me and pleasing me, he cuddled up with me and held me all night, never letting go.

He's back

2005-09-20T09:31:00.000-04:00

I am in the clouds.

That tension. That chemistry. There's nothing like it. When he leans in to kiss me, there's an electricity between us. When he touches me, I become dizzy. When he kisses me, he clears my mind.

There is nothing that can compare to chemistry. 1,000 cuddle buddies could never fulfill.

I'll write more later when I come back down to earth.

The flirting game

2005-09-08T10:48:00.000-04:00

After work last night I joined a couple co-workers and friends for a few beers. We had a good time, I heard a lot of unsolicited stories about Wanderer (as always), ate dinner and wrapped up to head home around 9.

I had a few beers and a nice warm buzz on when I got home. I wasn't really ready for the night to be over, but my wallet couldn't handle many more beers, and my friends had already departed.

Hmm... I wonder where that cute neighbor boy is?

I'm never one to approach a guy. As a female, I view it my job to look cute, interested and available. It's the guy's job to make the approach. And BND does not seem to be afraid of making a move. So I decided to sit on my porch and wait. He'll find me.

And he did.

I was smoking a cigarette, returning missed calls and catching up with friends when BND and his roommate came strolling down the sidewalk holding vodka tonics.

BND - Hey, didn't expect to see you there. What are you up to?

Me - Just smoking a cigarette and talking to friends back home. What are you doing? Being drunk in public?

BND - Yea, I guess. I was showing my roommate here your yard. We're trying to decide what to do with ours.

...yea, right...

BND walked over and joined me on the front step. His roommate grabbed a seat on the decorative stool in our yard. We talked. He flirted. A lot. And finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I asked the burning question.

Me - Don't you have a girlfriend in California or something that's planning on moving here to be with you?

BND - Yea. I had a girlfriend. But, she's definitely not moving in with me anymore.

Me - So, you broke up?

BND - Well, she kind of gave me an ultimatum. Really, we gave each other an ultimatum. She said, basically, it was between buying the house and her. She didn't want to buy the house. And I said she either had to move here or we were over. She doesn't want to move here.

Me - So, it's over?

BND - Well, it's basically over.

Me - Then, it's not over.

BND - Well, for the most part it is.

Me - In other words, it's not.

BND - I mean, I guess not. We talk. But, we're seeing other people. I've started to let go, she's started to let go. So, it's kind of in-between.

Me - In-between? There's no in-between. You either have a girlfriend or you do not have a girlfriend.

BND - Yea, but we're seeing other people.

Me - So, you have a girlfriend with which you are seeing other people. But you still have a girlfriend.

BND - I guess.

Alright, so, he has a girlfriend. Glad we worked that out.

Around this time, my roommate, and one of his friends visiting from NYC returned from dinner. They came in through the back door and met us on the porch with beers from the fridge. The five of us were on the front porch, drinking and being too loud for that hour of the night. But, oh well.

As BND continued to drink, his flirting tactics continued to become more forward. At one point he was helping my roommate plant a bush in our front yard (yes, while drunk, in the middle of the night). My roommate was still in the yard, BND had walked over to talk to me again on the front step. I could see my roommate over his shoulder. BND stretched, then rubbed his lower jaw.

BND - You know, my jaw has been hurting a lot lately.

Me - Really? Does that happen often?

BND - No, never. It actually started last Thursday, so, pretty much when I started hanging out with you more.

Me - (soft laugh, big smile) Really?

BND - Yea. I think it's because I just can't get you out of my mind. I haven't been able to sleep. It's driving me crazy. I'm just always thinking about you.

I look over BND's shoulder. My roommate is starring, listening to his fool of a friend. He drops his shovel, puts his hand to his ear and makes a face that basically says, What the fuck?! Did I just hear what I thought I heard?

I bust out laughing.

I pull myself together, look at BND, and say - Thanks... Too bad you have a girlfriend.

Hm...

2005-09-07T11:43:00.000-04:00

I have not met one guy I was really interested in through Match. That is why I took my profile off yesterday. That, and I was never a paying member, so my abilities on the site become more limited every day. I'm at a point now where I can only look at one picture of the guy who has emailed me. Screw that.

I still left my profile up on Yahoo Personals, but I'm no longer actively seeking dates. I'm sick of them.

Surf called me twice last night. I didn't answer either time. I'm such a bitch sometimes. But, I'll probably call back to let him know that while I had a good time last week, I don't think the spark is there.

And I'm all about a spark.

So... my love life is pathetically lacking as of late. No real action going on. There's only one small topic of interest and that's the Boy Next Door.

BND is a third-year med student (just what I need, another man in the medical field) who is one of my roommate's best friends. He lives 2 houses down from us. He went to Berkeley, owns two houses, remodels, is knowledgeable about everything under the sun and has lived 4 lifetimes in 28 years. On top of all this, he's attractive. But I'm wary of him.

Four months ago, when I moved in and met BND, he had a girlfriend in California who was planning to move to Cyprus to live with him. Apparently, this relationship has recently gone sour. On top the fact that this guy is best friends with my roommate and might possibly have a girl friend move in two doors down from me if they work things out, BND has given me other reasons to be wary.

He's aggressive. I am a huge flirt, and love that dance. But BND has laid it on so thick at times, it makes me uncomfortable. He's intense in many ways, even in flirting. Also, he's a huge story teller. The man has done a lot of amazing things in his life already, but when he tells stories they are often so over the top I have a hard time believe them (until he provides pictures, which he often does). But I'm a woman who runs on intuition, if I instinctively do not believe a word he says until he provides proof, this would be a stressful and challenging situation.

But I can't lie - I love the attention. He becomes very cordial around me - opening doors, standing up straight, watching his language, saying please, thank you and at times Miss. It's cute. He puts all of his attention into me - which at times spooks me, but makes me want for more at the end of the day.

And most importantly - I have a feeling he is great in bed. And with the love goddess not getting any love for over a month... that is the biggest asset BND can have right now. He's confident, he's intense, he has a way about him that just says - I know what I'm doing in the sack. And I want to find out for myself.

But then again... all those negative warnings float through my head - neighbor, roommate's best friend, ex-girl friend who may move-in in a few months, aggressive nature... trouble.

But Wanderer is leaving me high and dry. He told me yesterday due to his brother's wedding in early October, he likely won't make it down until mid-October.

What's a girl to do until then?!

4 - 6

2005-09-01T12:00:00.000-04:00

7:30 p.m., my doorbell rings. I grab my purse, check the mirror one last time. Hair looks good, make-up's nice, dress is on straight, shoes are on my feet - time to do this.

I answer the door, and Surf is standing there. I give him our 3rd awkward hug. At least I tried this time. Still, awkward...

But whatever.

We walk to his car, making conversation about my home. It's a neat area, always lends itself to discussion.

We got to his car, he opened the door for me. Good - 1 point.

We drive out to P.F. Chang's, me as the navigator. Conversation went well. You can tell he knows who he is and is confident with that.

We got to dinner and he had reservations, so we were seated in a large, plush booth, slightly separated from the rest of the dining room. Good - 2 points.

Our server introduced herself and mixed together this dipping sauce "that goes perfectly with our most popular appetizer, the chicken lettuce wraps." What a sales-woman.

She walked us through the mixing of her special sauce, and as she did so Surf joked with her. Making me laugh. Outgoing, funny personality. Good - 3 points.

We each order water and asked for time to review the drink menu. He asked if I liked red or white. I prefer red, but drink both. He said the same. So, since I was not paying for the date, I left the wine ordering up to him. I didn't know if I should ask for a glass or if he wanted to get a bottle. So when he said he was looking at getting a Shiraz... the cheapest Shiraz on the menu... I said that sounded good.

Waitress came back, he ordered two glasses of the cheapest wine on the menu. Outwardly cheap, bad - 1 point.

(Let me say for a side note, I am not money-hungry and I am not a wine snob. He was paying for the meal, so I understand not wanting to get a $30 of wine. We're young, we're not rich. BUT, go ahead and get the second cheapest glass of wine - what's it going to cost you? 3 more dollars? - and save a little face. Don't make your stinginess blatantly obvious. Moreover, if you are concerned about money, there are plenty of nice, cheaper restaurants in Cyprus to choose to invite me to.)

He orders our wine along with the "most popular appetizer," chicken lettuce wraps, and we move on to reviewing the menu for dinner. I'm already aware that he is watching the price tags at this point, and that made me a little nervous.

Surf - So, do you see anything you really like?

Me - Oh, still looking. You?

And he points to the sweet and sour chicken... an $8 item. I was at the time looking at a $14 shrimp and scallop pasta. I shifted my eyes to the top of the menu and started checking out my chicken options.

Me - You know, chicken sounds good. I might get chicken fried rice.

He smiles. Possibly because it's another $8 option.

The waitress returns with our drinks and prepares to take our order. I go first, making a last-minute change and ordered the shrimp fried rice. I see him glance down to see the price difference. There is none. You know what, outwardly cheap on drinks and then food, bad - 2 points.

He orders his meal and the date goes on. Once again, conversation went well. He's easy to talk to, but there's a definite lack of chemistry. I really shouldn't have anything to complain about on paper - he's hot, he's personable, he's funny. But none of these things can really make up for a chemistry deficit.

We talked long after our meal was over. I felt comfortable and relaxed... much like I would with a friend. Friend vibe, bad - 3 points. And we have a tie...

We wrap up our conversation and transition back to the parking lot. He neglects to open my door this time. Oh, oh, oh... bad - 4 points.

We get back to my place and he parks his car in front of my house. He looks at me - "I had a great time."

"Me too."

And then he leans in for the kiss. I go with it. And... nothing. No sparks. No tingly feeling. No fluttering heart. Nothing. Just lips on lips, a little bit of tongue, and it was over. Bad - 5 points.

He smiled and thanked me for coming out. I thanked him for dinner. And he dropped me off on the street in front of my house.

No walking me to my door, no offer to even do so. Just dropped off on the curb like a hooker. Very bad - we have 6 points.

But, he did sit patiently in his car as I fumbled through my keys, trying 2 incorrect keys in my front door before finally getting it open (I really do need to color code my house keys). So that was nice. Good - 4 points.

And Surf ended the night with a score of 4-6.

At least it wasn't a shut-out.

Guess it worked...

2005-08-30T21:32:00.000-04:00

Surf called me after work today and invited me out to dinner tomorrow night. We're going to P.F. Chang's at 7:30.

Wish me luck!

Wohoo for being a biotch.
(Guys are stupid)

Surf

2005-08-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

We had a potential client visit our office yesterday. Leora and her team have been chasing this client for months. Finally, after several rounds of presenting and pitching, the potential clients asked to come visit our facilities.

We have a really neat office and love showing it off. So, they flew in from NYC, toured our building, visited with Leora's team and during a staff gathering to celebrate their arrival, the potential client announced that they have chosen to hire our agency. It's a huge account, $300,000-$400,000 a year. And a fun one, targeting the Y Generation.

So... after sending the new clients off to the airport, a handful of us left work early to celebrate at the neighboring bar. I got to the bar and started drinking around 4:30. My date was at 7:30.

I was having a blast. We were all joking, having fun... and then people started asking - Aphrodite, don't you have a date tonight?

- Yes, I have a date. But it's only going to be 30 minutes.

- Well, when is it?

- Eh, in about an hour and a half.

We keep drinking, time keeps going by.

- Your date's coming up soon.

- Yea, I really don't want to go.

- What?! Why? You can't stand someone up, that's so mean.

- I know. But, I just hate this dating thing. It's not fun at all.

- It's only 30 minutes.

- I know. That makes it better, but still. I'm having fun here, I don't want to go hang out with some strange boy who will most likely suck. I'm just not that into dating right now.

- He could be the man of your dreams.

- Ha!! Doubt it. Most likely of my nightmares.

- That's not a good attitude for a date.

- That's why I don't want to go.

- You never know, Aphrodite. You may have fun.

- Well, let's just hope that he doesn't call. The date's in 30 minutes. If he doesn't call, then I'm not obligated to go.

- So, you're just going to stand him up?

- No. It's like a mutual agreement. If he wants me there, he'll call, right? Who knows, he may be at a bar having fun with his friends too. And I wouldn't want to take that away from him.

- You're the worst blind date ever, you know that, right?

- I have heard it before.

And I excused myself to go to the bathroom. While in the bathroom I looked in the mirror, and thought, you know, it is kind of a shame that I'm not going on this date... I look really cute today, if I do say so myself. I was wearing a faux-vintage Rolling Stones fitted t-shirt and a light blue skirt that hits at my knees, the whole outfit is hip and slimming. My hair was rocking and I felt hot. Or was it the confidence of the alcohol? Probably a mixture.

On my way back to the table I looked at my watch - 7:10. He hasn't called. I sooo don't have to go on this date. Awesome.

Half way to the table, I made eye contact with Ageless. His eyes were wide-open, his hands were waving for me to hurry to the table. Leora was sitting next to him, laughing. And then I see one of my bosses, Scotty, a 40-year-old hardass who becomes a smartass when he drinks. He had my phone to his ear, and I knew immediately who he was talking to.

Shit!!

And I started running. I ran to the table, grabbed my phone, laughing hysterically - Scotty!

- What? I didn't want you to miss your call.

- Holy shit.

- Talk to him!

I put the phone to my ear - hello?

- Aphrodite? This is Surf.

- Hey, yea, sorry about that. That's one of my bosses. We won an account to day and are out celebrating. I had left the table for a minute and I guess he picked up my phone when you called.

- Ha. That's alright. Well, I was just calling to make sure we're still on for 7:30.

- Yea. 7:30. I'll see you there. Thanks.

I hung up the phone and returned embarrassed to the table. Everyone was starring at me.

- What?!

- So? Are you going?

- Well, yea. I have to now that Scotty picked up the phone.

- What? I thought you wouldn't want to miss your call.

- Thanks...

I called for my check, closed out and headed to my 30 minute date. On the way there, I drove past him. He's actually really hot. I mean, he looked hot in his pictures, but you never really know. And yea, he's hot.

Whatever. I had a slight buzz on, and thus very confident. Plus, I really did not want to be there, so my 'I'm really not that into you' game was in full force.

So, I parked, walked up to the bar, entered, and saw him sitting at the bar, with the female bartender hitting on him hardcore. She was talking to him, making direct eye-contact, with her arms rested on the bar, leaning in to be closer to him. She looked enthralled with what he had to say. Huge eyes, big smile.

Sickening.

But, my jealous side didn't even come out. Like I said - I was too cool to be there.

I came over to break-up the two-some. Surf stood, met me with a hug, and I grabbed the stool next to him.

Conversation went well. He's an interesting guy. He's an ex-wrestler. Was the state champion in high school and still stays in really good shape (hence the HOT body). He had good hair - and good hair is very important to me... it's one of my quirks. He was all-around attractive - 6'1", dark features, broad shoulders. Couldn't complain.

But still, too cool.

We talked. I had a beer and then switched to water as I was pretty buzzed from the previous bar. He asked if I wanted to get something small to eat. No. Thanks.

Too cool, what can I say?

I excused myself to go to the bathroom and returned to find the female bartender leaning in to talk to him again, sharing a martini she had just made for another customer - "Do you think it's too sweet? I think it's too sweet. You know what, you can just have it, I'll make another one for the table. Or I could make you another one too, since that one is too sweet."

Aw, now isn't she sweet?

I returned to my stool, breaking up her game once again - "What's this? A martini. For free? Oh, thanks bartender."

She shot me an evil smile.

Hey, I may not be that into dating... but this is my date. And he is hot. Sorry. So anyways, two hours passed and we wrapped up the conversation. He paid, I thanked him. He walked me to my car... conversation still going. I gave him a quick side hug (what can I say? Too cool.) and told him to give me a call.

Surf - Next time do you think we could move up to a dinner?

Me - Yea. Maybe.

Surf - Alright, I'll give you a call and see what happens.

Me - Sounds good. I had fun.

Surf - Me too.

And that's it.

I don't know what's gotten into me. But... who knows, guys are crazy... my stand-offishness might have turned him on more than anything I could have done trying. And the good thing, I don't care if it did or didn't anyway.

I'm just too cool.

30 minute date

2005-08-25T10:31:00.000-04:00

So, I've been doing the Internet dating thing for a short while. I've been on a few dates, none that spectacular. Actually, they're normally pretty painful. I can usually tell in the first 15 minutes if I'm interested in the guy (and I never am... minus Ad Guy), then have to sit and make conversation for several hours after the decision has been made. It just sucks.

So, I recently received a phone call from a guy who I had emailed back and forth with a couple times a month or so ago. He has this really hot picture on his profile of him running with a surf board. So, for lack of a better name, we'll call him Surf. Surf and I ended up talking for about a half an hour and he asked me on a date.

Me - Sure, why not?

Surf - So, do you want to do dinner?

Me - Eh... how 'bout we just get a drink.

Surf - Ok?

Me - It's just less pressure that way, you know? If we like each other, we can hang out longer, if not, one drink, 30 minutes, and it's over.

Surf - Haha. Ok. Sounds like you've done this before.

Me - I've been on a few dates.

Surf - Yea, I'm not really into the whole Internet dating thing. I haven't really done that much with it.

(Like I'm that into Internet dating? I mean, who really is into Internet dating? I'm doing it out of desperate necessity, being in a new town and not meeting as many people as I would like. But seriously, other than 35-year-old fat guys living at home with their mothers or Dungeon & Dragon geeks who cannot hold a conversation with a real life girl, who is really into Internet dating?)

Me - Yea, me either. I'm just saying, it's less pressure this way.

Surf - Ok, that's cool. So, should I pick you up or something.

(Haha!!!! Are you kidding me? Some stranger I met on the Internet picking me up? Do I look dumb? Or crazy? Hell naw - we will be meeting in the most populated bar that I can think of... with my mace in hand.)

Me - How about we just meet somewhere? Do you have any place in mind?

And he picked a pretty chill (but highly populated) bar downtown, near my work. And I have allotted him 30 minutes. From 7:30 - 8 p.m., he has a half an hour to make an impression and I'm either out the door or ordering round two.

Serial monogamy

2005-08-22T14:40:00.000-04:00

I began my first serious relationship when I was 14. My high school boyfriend and I stayed together (off-and-on) until right before my 17th birthday. I once thought he was my first love... and on some level, I guess he was. But we were both so young, our relationship, while all-consuming at the time, was a joke. It was like playing house - we acted out what we thought the boyfriend and girlfriend roles should be. We had some good times, and some bad - but it all boils down to puppy love, I guess.

I remained single, minus a few flings, for about a year and a half until I met Big when I was 18, and only a few months away from leaving for college. I was about to leave for large, Southern, party university and the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Big chased me all summer, and 2 weeks before I left, I gave in.

Still, the whole time I kept reminding him that I was not doing a long distance relationship. I was not going into college with a boyfriend back home. He understood and respected that... part of why I fell head over heels and wanted nothing else but to do exactly what I swore I wouldn't - develop a long-distance relationship while in college.

Big and I dated for 3 years off-and-on. But even when we were off, we were still on, you know what I mean? And it was all me. Big was always there for me, always waiting on me. I was the one who would be with him a year, freak out about 'missing out' in college, break it off, date other people, and then drive home to see him because no man I met while at college made me feel the way Big did. I really thought he might be the One - once I sewed my oats and got my head on straight... but... life goes on.

During one of Big and my "off" periods (where we were sleeping together, he was totally in to me and I was still out flirting and seeing other people), I met Aesc. Aesc. was everything Big wasn't. He was romantic, exciting, adventurous, passionate, new and unsafe.

And with that, Big and I were finally officially off, and Aesc. and I were on.

Aesc. and I dated 8 months long-distance. We were several states apart, in different time zones, a 2 hour plane flight and a 13 hour car ride. Yet, we saw each other every-other week. He was in his fourth year of med-school, and would have months off school at a time. He'd use that time to visit me. During the holidays, I'd visit him. The longest we went without seeing each other was 4 weeks.

Our relationship was so much fun. We traveled to 6 different states together in those 8 months of "long-distance." We celebrated every holiday together. I experienced my most romantic Valentine's Day with him. We partied, had fun, made each other laugh and had some of the best, most passionate sex of my life.

In a swoon of romance, I agreed to move states in order to be with him during his general surgery residency. I could see the rest of my life with Aesc... until 3 months of living with him. Suddenly this romantic, passionate man became moody, temperamental, aggressive, argumentative and manipulative.

I couldn't believe I changed my whole life - up and moved - for this man. A man whose bad side remained well hidden until it was too late.

We stuck together, trying to "work on our problems" for several more months. And at one year and 8 months, we finally broke-up.

So here I am. Single for the first time in nearly 5 years. And I really, really love it. Being in a new town, with a new job, making new friends... I've really learned a lot about myself through this experience. And now that I have stopped spending energy on Aesc. and started putting more into me - I really like myself. I really do.

But being the Pisces that I am, I of course want two mutually exclusive things at the same time. I miss having someone to lean-on. I miss cuddling (although, I am increasingly enjoying having a bed to myself... it is quite comfortable). I miss saying "I love you." I miss hearing "I love you." I miss always knowing someone will be there for me.

But I like not having someone to report to. I like spontaneity. I like freedom. I like flirting. I like sleeping alone. I like not caring about what I do. Not worrying what someone may think.

And I don't like that I often find myself thinking about Wanderer. I don't like that he steals my thoughts, distracts me from work. I don't like that our conversations are so easy, and his emails are the highlight of my day. I don't like caring that he may or may not come visit. I don't like how much I want him.

And so, I'm ignoring him today. I didn't reply to his last email. I didn't pick up when he called. I'm annoyed with him for not making more of an effort to come down before October... and I'm annoyed with myself for caring that he has not made more of an effort. So, I think I need a break.

And a date.

So, I'm going on one on Thursday. Wish me luck.

Missing something

2005-08-14T10:04:00.000-04:00

I miss a love that I've never had.

I have enjoyed being single the past few months. I like having the freedom to do whatever I want with no one to answer to, or call, or worry about. I like the spontaneity of being single. I like how stress-free it is. I haven't cried in so long and there was a time that I was crying every week... if not every, to every-other day.

My head is clear, I have no problems or stresses to worry about that come with a relationship. I don't have to worry about someone cheating on me, or lying, or losing interest.

I am the only person I have to worry about in my life, and that's nice.

But still, I miss a love I have never found.

Sometimes I think I miss Aesc., sometimes I think I miss Big (3 year relationship, prior to Aesc.). Sometimes I even think I miss Wanderer and that week of flirting and two days of amazing sex that we shared.

But I really don't miss any of them. I miss something that's in my mind. I miss what I eventually hope to find one day. It's the hopeless romantic in me that believes I will find this perfect love that will never lose it's spark. And I miss that. Even though I've yet to find it.

I woke up this morning happy, yet wishing there was a man laying behind me with his arm wrapped over my side and across my stomach, holding me snugly against his chest. But then again, I don't want a man to be there unless he can give me the love I miss. The love I've never had. I don't want to go through the struggles of having another Aesc. around. I don't have the energy for it.

But I miss love.

Wanderer part IV

2005-08-11T10:25:00.000-04:00

The next day, Wanderer and I exchanged a couple emails. He said he was looking for a good end to his road trip and was considering joining Leora and I on the Carolina shore that weekend. Work ended, Leora and I drove to the beach, Wanderer never came.

I really didn't expect him to.

But I did expect to hear from him that Monday. I mean, there was chemistry there, right? I really don't think I was reading it wrong. But maybe? I don't know. Maybe he rode off in the sunset without saying goodbye like he did during his last visit. Whatever. It was an evening of good conversation, that's it.

On my way to lunch that Tuesday, I walked downstairs with Leora and Life Coach, talking about Ad Guy and how he's emailing me again and wants to hang out sometime, stepped into the lobby and saw Wanderer sitting in a chair with his best-friend and Ageless. Holy shit.

My whole body went weak. I instantly turned around, ran into Leora who yelped from being startled by my sudden turn, and pushed me to face forward again. I looked at Wanderer. He ws smiling at me. Fuck.

I turned to face the counter, away from Wanderer - Look Leora, taffy. Did you see? There's taffy on the front counter.

Leora - Yea, taffy. I'm not the biggest fan.

Me - Yea. Me either.

Life Coach - Wanderer! I didn't know you were still in town, give me a hug!

W.'s Best Friend - Yea, he's talking about taking off, we're trying to think of excuses to keep him in town.

(This is a game Wanderer plays every time he comes to town, he never sets a specific length of time he will be staying in town and threatens to leave on a daily basis. It's effective in making everyone go out every night for a week or two weeks straight, thinking each night may be his last night in town. But it's frustrating, because you never know when he really will take off.)

While thumbing over the taffy, I recovered from my initial state of shock and joined the conversation.

Me - I thought you had left.

Wanderer - Yea, I might today.

Me - Really? You promised you'd hang out with me one more time before you took off.
(Cute smile.)

Then, with that thought I started to get a little ticked off. He had promised he'd hang out one more time. He said he'd either drive down to join us at the beach, or stick around until I came back into town Monday. He never called on Monday, so I thought he had left. And now, here he is just showing up in the lobby of my work, about to leave town without even saying goodbye. Had I not come downstairs, I wouldn't have even seen him before he left. That's pretty shitty.

Ageless - Yea, well, we're trying to get him to stay.

Me - Well, good luck. Leora and I are headed to lunch. Wanderer, drive safe. Cya.

And with that we left. Every hair was still standing up on my body. My hands were shaking. And I was mad at myself for letting him do that to me. I was just another one of Wanderer's girls. I knew it. I fell for it. Just like everyone said I would. And here he is, leaving without even a goodbye. I can't believe I fell for it.

I was still letting off steam when Leora and I returned from lunch - He does it to everyone Leora, everyone. And I fell for it! What the hell was I think...

Leora - He's here.

Me - Yea, I saw that.

Wanderer - Hey girls. Where did you all go for lunch?

Me - Ukrop's. Shouldn't you be gone?

Wanderer - Well, it's getting late, if I leave now I won't get home until 11 p.m., so I figured, I might as well stay another night.

Me - What a shame.

Then he shot me a playful smile. I instinctively gave him one back. And then yelled at myself internally - come on Aphrodite, didn't we just go over this? Don't let him get to you!

But he already had. I was a lot cause and I knew it.

Plans were made, and a group met at a local bar after work for the Wanderer's last 'last night' in town. I was a bit more stand-off-ish at first, I was still having a very hard time trusting his mojo. But a few beers later, and I was wrapped up in it again.

Around 10, the majority of the crowd had left, including Leora. Ageless, Wanderer and I were the last ones left and we decided to hop bars. Part of me had hoped Ageless would decide to head home once we chose to change locations, but he didn't. I think it was out of spite. We had ignored him the last time the three of us were out and he left, this time he was going to sit next to us the whole time, never giving in to our obvious desire to be alone. Fine with me. The only time I was slightly annoyed was at the end of the night.

Wanderer had been laying it on thick all night. Last Thursday I was picking up a few vibes, but nothing concrete. This time, he was grabbing my hands when laughing at a joke, brushing my knee when Ageless stepped away for a few moments, telling me he was glad we got to know each other better during this trip. Saying I was top of mind in his decision to stay and swearing he hadn't planned to leave without at least finding me to say goodbye.

So the night was over, the bar lights were on, and the three of us were headed to the door. We all stepped on the patio to realize we could not leave that way. Ageless was the last in line, so he was the first to turn around and walk towards the other door. Wanderer took this opportunity to grab me around my waist and tell me he had a good time.

Me too.

He smiles. I could tell he wanted to kiss me. And I wanted him to. But Ageless was right behind us, and Ageless is such a gossip. All I could think is, the whole office will know by tomorrow afternoon.

So I hugged him and said I hoped to see him around. He looked slightly stunned as I stepped away and started after Ageless who was walking out the same door I need to go through. A different door than Wanderer needed to use.

I quickly walked to my car, which was parked next to Ageless's. We hugged, I said goodbye, and I watched him drive away. Once he was out of site, I pulled out of the parking lot, heart pounding. I drove around to the front of the bar - are you really going to do this Aphrodite? Yea, you know you want to. Well, you're here. Can't stop now.

In front of the bar I saw Wanderer, still putting on his helmet and getting his bike ready to ride home. I drove past him and pulled into the parking space right next to his bike. I looked in my rear view and he was smiling at me, surprised.

I stepped out of my car, casually walked up to him - So, are you really driving all the way back to the West End?

Wanderer - I was just thinking about that. It's a long drive.

Me - Yea... do you want to just come over to my house? I'm only a few blocks away.

Wanderer - Really?

Me - Yea, you can stay on my couch.

Wanderer - Ok. Yea. If you're sure?

Me - Yea, follow me.

As I walked back to my car, my body was tingling all over. I almost wanted to bust out in laughter at myself. I was in a state of shock, mixed with excitement and covered up by the fake confidence I can pull off so well when I want to. And I decided to finally just stop thinking about it and go with it.

We got to my house and toured the enormous downstairs. We discussed the architecture and history of the area, then settled down on my couch. We were talking casually, and I finally felt relaxed. So when he leaned in for a kiss, I didn't shy away.

And what a kiss.

Just like everything else between us, it came naturally. So naturally my mind went blank for the first time since I had met him. I was finally just in the moment.

As we kissed, his left hand slide around my back, and mine into his hair. He has good hair. Thick, medium length, perfect to run my fingers through.

We kissed for a long time, then pulled away and talked. Then kissed again. We kept this up until I couldn't take it anymore and said - Do you want to go upstairs?

Wanderer - Sure.

Kiss.

Me - Yea, let's go upstairs.

My head was light as I stood up. I haven't had this much chemistry with someone since Aesc. He followed me upstairs. He made fun of my messy room and I stood there trying to defend it until he grabbed me by the waste and pulled me in for a long kiss. We stood there, in the middle of my room kissing and slowly undressing each other.

He unsnapped my bra, I unbuttoned his shirt. My shirt came off, then his. My pants, his jeans. Until we were naked, face to face, staring at each other. So much chemistry.

We moved to the bed and he took his time. I'm not the type to get graphic, but let's just say he has fingers and knows how to work them. He had me wanting him so bad my legs were shaking. Literally, quivering. As I said, it was a multi-orgasmic night. At one point I felt like I was rolling - his fingers running up and down my spine and through my hair, my eyes rolling in the back of my head. It was a great, great, great night.

And at 5 a.m., we woke up and did it again until I had to get ready for work at 7.

I came to work glowing. A grin ear to ear. Leora knew what happened before she even asked me. 'I can just see it on your face!' And what a happy face it was.

Wanderer decided to stick around yet one more night to "watch the soccer game" with everyone from my work, as our company was paying for the outing. Wanderer and I had been emailing each other all day, but when I saw him at the stadium, my face turned flush and I shuffled by barely saying hi.

Every now and then he'd shoot me his patented look and make me blush. But we were both too nervous about everyone else finding out and barely talked. After the game we said goodbye - no long farewell. He walked in one direction with his best friend and I in the other with my friends.

Two hours later his bike was outside my door and he was in my bed making the night before seem like a warm-up.

The next day he left. A cowboy riding off into the sun... er... rise. And I'm counting the days (and bad dates) until he returns.

Wanderer part III

2005-08-08T16:11:00.000-04:00

So, five months fly by. In that time, I break up with Aesc. Wanderer and I emailed once, maybe twice, sharing stories. I emailed him two stories from my blog, as I will not give the address to co-workers or friends of co-workers. He seemed to appreciate them, as he is a real writer... and a much better writer than myself. Maybe one day when I'm in a dating slump and out of material I'll post one of his stories. Anyway...

So a couple weeks ago when my lovely cousin was visiting, Wanderer sent out an email to his friends from my work, and myself (which I deleted, so I'll paraphrase):

I was on my way to Canada for a BMW convention, made a wrong turn and will be in Cyprus tomorrow afternoon. Let me know if anyone feels up for grabbing a drink after work.

I was so excited.

The next morning I dropped Heather off at the airport. Work flew by and afterwards a small group of us headed off to Stool Pigeons to catch a beer and wait for Wanderer to roll into town.

Normally when I'm around a guy I like I get really nervous and make a fool of myself. But around Wanderer, it's different. I view his mojo as a challenge. Everyone expects all the girls he meets to fall for it, but I'm too cool for that. At least, that's what I tell myself.

So, the night started normally. We were all drinking. Everyone at the table was giving me hell because Wanderer was coming in town, and I had already declared my intention to flirt my ass off. But then one of my co-workers got a call, and the ex-intern professional Soccer Player decided to join also. "Which one are you going to flirt with Aphrodite?" My boss said in jest.

"Ageless, I've got skills. I'll flirt with both." And I did.

Soccer Player got there first and sat between Leora and I. By the time Wanderer walked up, I was on my second pint of Miller Lite, happy, giggly and practically sitting in Soccer Player's lap as we talked about how I really did need to go to a soccer game. And how we'll both be on the Carolina shore on the same weekend - we should meet up. Here's my number. Yea, I'll definitely call you.

I didn't even get up to hug Wanderer when he arrived, as everyone else did. I had Soccer Player to tend to. But then it happened. It was bound to happen. I was talking to Soccer Player, one of the hottest guys in Cyprus, he was seemingly interested, and I made a fool of myself. I was lifting my third Miller Lite pint, I guess the weight difference between the one I had just finished nursing and the new full one through me off, and I spilled half the glass on my leg. Oops. Soccer Player helped me clean up the mess, grabbing napkins and sopping up my soaked right leg. He then quickly finished his beer, closed his tab and left the table before I could make even more of a fool of myself. Luckily the only person at the table that was paying any attention to us was Leora. She agreed that he left before I could do any more damage. Oh well. Now on to boy number 2.

It was not difficult to acclimate myself back into the conversation, because once Soccer Player left the table, everyone fell silent and starred at Leora and I.

Me - "What?"

Ageless - "Oh, nothing."

Soccer Player's ex-boss - "It was just funny."

Me - "What?"

Ageless - "You on one side, Leora on the other, Soccer Player in the middle. None of you paying attention to anyone else. It was just funny."

Me - "Whatever. I need a cigarette."

Everyone busted out in laughter.

Me - "What?!"

Wanderer - "We were just wondering when you were going to smoke."

Me - "Sorry, there was a hot athlete sitting beside me. I can't let him know I smoke."

Wanderer - "Totally understandable." And then his look. That mojo look I was trying so hard to explain before. The look that challenges me to flirt with him. Oh yea, it was on.

Throughout the night I laughed so much my face hurt. But I wasn't giving all of my attention to Wanderer. I'd tell stories to the table, and every now and then throw a glance his way. As more alcohol was consumed and the night went on, we had a few one-on-one encounters. We were testing the waters, and they felt nice. The night ended with hugs and a warm tingling feeling telling me that this week was going to be a good one, as Wanderer was in town, and he was interested.

I waited eagerly for another invitation out with Wanderer. Thursday afternoon it came. The majority of the people invited backed out, so it was only Ageless, Leora, Wanderer and I. This time, there was no pretense. He walked in the bar, we hugged and he sat across the table from me and payed absolutely no attention to anyone else at the table. Every now and then I would try to include Leora and Ageless, but the Wanderer's look was so hypnotic, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Leora left within an hour of Wanderer arriving. Ageless left 10 minutes later (in a huff because, as he told the rest of the office the next day, Wanderer and I were 'making eyes' at each other and ignoring him).

So there we were. Our friends had left. It was just Wanderer and me. And for the first time around him, I felt nervous. Oh shit - this is starting to feel like a date all of a sudden. Our friends were my protection from myself. I'm an idiot on dates! Oh shit, oh shit. And my cool started falling apart - come on Aphrodite, pull yourself together. Nothing has changed. You were talking to only him at the table anyway. Come on. You can do this.

"So, I guess it's just us," Wanderer said.

Gee, thanks for pointing that out. Can't you see that I'm already having an internal struggle about it over here?

"Do you want to move outside? It's pretty nice out," he asked.

"Sure." I could use some fresh air.

We grabbed a table together outside, he set his helmet down and went back inside to buy two more drinks. In his absence I pulled myself together. I have mojo dammit, I fucking have mojo too. I can do this.

Wanderer returned and we sat outside. It was a warm Southern night and we were talking and laughing like we'd known each other for years. It really was too easy. We had an undeniable chemistry. Why can't real first dates be like this?

1 a.m. rolled around and I forced our evening to end because I had a 9:30 meeting the next morning. And unlike when I normally spend 6 hours talking to a guy, I actually didn't want it to end. I still had so much I wanted to ask him and say to him. But, I had to go. He walked me to my car... and then the awkward moment (it had to come eventually).

So there we are, at my car, wrapping up our endless conversation. He smiles at me. I smile at him. And I dive in for a hug. And it's a long hug. I had actually started to let go of the hug, but he was still holding on. Ok... so we hug, and continue to hug. Finally I pull away. He's smiling again. Shit, I hate when he smiles at me like that. I hate it because it's so fucking sexy.

And at a million-miles-an-hour pace I said - "Alright. Well, I really have to go. Um, I had a great time. Seriously. Thank you for everything. Alright. Yea. Well, you should stick around through the weekend. I'll be back from the beach Monday. Will you be here? You will, ok, great, well, I'll see you then. I'd really love to see you again. Seriously. Ok. Thanks again. I had a great time. Really. Thanks so much. Ok, well, drive safe. Alright - good night."

I jumped in my car and sped away. God, I'm such a dork.

To be Continued...

And I swear, the ending is coming next, and soon. I just really should get back to work, and this post is getting so long, and the next part deserves it's own post. Seriously. But I promise, I'm not as much of a dork in the next post. Ok? Great. Thanks for reading. Come back soon, I promise there will be more. Seriously. Ok. Great. Thanks.

Wanderer part II

2005-08-07T19:51:00.000-04:00

The last night that the Wanderer was in town 5 months ago, I had began flirting with him only to blow him off for a younger, hot reporter who had had an open crush on me the previous 3 months (as I said earlier, he was a friend's roommate - she was trying to set us up when Aesc. and I went through our first break-up in November).

This may be vain of me, but I think it slightly upset Wanderer. Not that he'd ever let me know - he has too much mojo. But, I had a hard time trusting the obvious vibe between us because so many people had crushes on him. I must not be the only person feeling this feeling around him.

Which makes me want to answer this question, and help you better understand Wanderer's attraction - What exactly is mojo?

Mojo is not a slick, "suave," cheesy line-saying player that picks up sluts with low self-esteem every night. Mojo is confidence - not cockiness. Mojo is a man who knows who he is. A man who is comfortable with who he is. A man that makes you feel comfortable with who you are. Mojo is eye contact. Such unbelievable eye contact and positive facial expressions that it makes you, the recipient of the mojo, feel that you are the most exciting and interesting human being this man has ever met. Mojo is making you feel like you are the only one in the room when you talk to him. Mojo is the lack of awkwardness, the ease of conversation. Mojo is making you laugh. Making you feel special. Mojo is having good conversation, and easily transitioning conversation when the topic starts to slow. Mojo is smooth. Mojo is handsome. Mojo makes you feel beautiful. Mojo makes you want to make yourself the only person who will experience the mojo. Mojo makes you want this man in all ways. One night, two nights, eternity. Mojo makes an attractive man gorgeous.

Wanderer has mojo. And I had heard so much about it, that I didn't trust it. Yes, he made me feel special and interesting. Yes we had the same interests, he could hold a conversation on any topic I brought up, but was it real? Or was it just the mojo in full force? Did we actually have a vibe? Or am I just another one of Wanderer's girls who fell for it? Everyone always joked about all those who had crushes on Wanderer, and in all the stories I heard, the feelings were not reciprocated.

Was I just another one of those girls? Was I stupidly falling for the mojo, thinking he's into me, only to be set-up as the newest joke?

So, in my defensive state, I blew him off. I openly flirted with another guy. I left the bar early and gave Wanderer a quick hug, nothing special.

After closing the bar down with Ageless and Life Coach, Wanderer got in his car and drove back to NJ without saying goodbye to anyone.

Did I do that?

To Be Continued...

Side note

2005-08-05T09:15:00.000-04:00

I'm interrupting my Wanderer story, but do stay tuned, it has an orgasmic ending... actually, about five... but, I'll go into that later.

As I was saying, I'm interrupting my Wanderer story to say that I am sooooo excited because Leora and I are leaving work at 3 today to see Widespread Panic. We're seeing them tonight, staying the night at an ocean front hotel and seeing them again tomorrow night! I'm so excited, I can barely concentrate.

Also, Leora and I have been hanging out with Georgia a lot. We both decided he will make a great friend - a fellow University grad to cheer with during football season, who also runs with a pack of guys just as hot as himself.

I'm happy with our decision to declare him a friend and friend only, as he is bad ass and I would hate to just waste him as a 2-3 week fling.

He's going to the concerts this weekend also, so we're meeting up with him once we get there.

I'm soooo stoked! (hey, I'm going to the beach, I can say stoked)

Wanderer part I

2005-08-03T15:13:00.000-04:00

I have had a crush on someone for the last 5 months. Yes, I know Aesc. and I only broke up 2 months ago... but... well, let me start from the beginning.

I began working at my current job in Cyprus the third week of September, 2004. The first week of September, 2004 a young, attractive guy who worked here left to ride an old motor bike cross-country. I heard several stories about him, this Wanderer. How he was free-spirited, smart, funny, fun and apparently wonderful in all ways because everyone around here couldn't shut up about him.

I used to joke, saying I didn't believe he actually existed. I had heard so many stories about him, he obtained this mythical status.

During his cross-country bike trip, Wanderer kept a detailed journal about the people he met and the experiences he had. The stories were often funny, as he is very witty, but they also often had an underlying message. I read a few of his emails that he would send to his friends and my co-workers, who would forward them to me, knowing I'd find the stories interesting.

Finally, about 5 months ago, I met Wanderer. After his cross-country trip he returned to his hometown (out of state), and drove to Cyprus to visit his old friends and co-workers.

Along with the multitude of stories I heard about Wanderer, I also heard about his mojo. Apparently, while Wanderer is an average looking guy, almost every female at my work was in love with him at some point. I wasn't going to fall for that. I have too much mojo to fall for that.

Well, Wanderer finally showed up at work one day while I was there, and I have to say the first thing I thought was - that's it? I expected a band playing and a trumpet announcing his arrival, I had heard so much about this man. And while he was kind of cute, I could not understand why everyone was in love with him. Guess it's the mojo?

That night I was invited out with a group of co-workers and Wanderer. We went to a bar, laughed, talked, hung out. I could see the mojo. But nothing special.

Wanderer was in town for over a week during that visit, and each day that we hung out together, the more his mojo would kick-in. We had chemistry. He was easy to talk to, we had a lot in common, and he would often give me looks that forced me to smile. He was just fun to be around. I found myself afraid Aesc. would take up my offer to meet up with us. Luckily he never did.

And while I obviously liked him, I would try to play it off when my co-workers would tease me - "You fell for it! You fell for the mojo." My pride was so great on this issue, that the last night he was in town I spent the majority of the evening flirting with this hot reporter who is roommates with an ex-intern at my job. We ran into him at the bar we were at, and Wanderer went from monopolizing my attention to going unnoticed the rest of the night. I was not going to be another girl who had a crush on Wanderer... although I so was.

To be continued...

Stupid boy again!

2005-07-28T16:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, so maybe it's my fault, setting myself up to have this done to me again.

But, Monday a week ago (18th) Ad Guy emailed me, saying we should get together again and asked if I wanted to see a movie and have dinner. No comment about how he never returned my last email or text message. Just like nothing had happened -

Hey, Aphrodite... lets do something this week. Thoughts? I really want to see wedding crashers!!! Let me know what you think and ill give you a call.

Do what? Ok... I guess I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and ask what the hell his problem is...

Hey Ad Guy-

Good to hear from you. Did you get the last email I wrote from my work address? I'm just asking because I thought it was odd that you never responded. You've been good at getting back to me.

Anyways - I want to see Wedding Crashers also. This morning on the way to work the radio talk show I listen to went on and on about it. Plus, I love Vince Vaughn. But, I have a tight schedule to work within this week. I'm free tonight and Wednesday night and that's about it.

I'm likely going to a baseball game tomorrow, then my cousin comes in town Thursday through next Tuesday morning. So let me know what you think.

Aphrodite

He was quick to respond (for once) -

I don't think I ever got one from your work account?????? Not sure... you are busy... ok maybe wed.

What is up with all the question marks, huh? Anyway - so, I don't accept "maybe" dates, so my smart/fed-up ass answered -

I know, I am busy. But if we have fun Wednesday, maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet my cousin... maybe... :)

And "maybe Wednesday?" What's that? I can't plan around a maybe. I say - you better grab a date fast before they're all gone!

Let me know when you figure it out.

I don't know if he found it as funny as I did, as he didn't reply that day. Oops. Oh well, the next day, Tuesday, he wrote an email entitled Wed movie. All it said was this -

OK I will give you a call tonight.

Is it me, or does he sound like he's agreed to watch someone's dog for a week? - Fine, Ok, I'll call you tonight, if I must. Geez...

And he called. He called in the middle of me being drunk and disoriented. I'm not my most impressive in this state. Especially on the phone with someone who is sober and saying he's about to go run as he's in the middle of training for a triathalon. Really? I'm in the middle of training for a drinking contest, so I have to let you go while I get back to my strict drinking schedule. I think it's time for another set of tequila shots. I'm going for a personal best tonight.

I don't know how he doesn't find that funny? Aren't all guys looking for a hot lush? Hmm...

Despite my drunken, disoriented and half-botched jokes, he still made plans for the following night, and we went on our first official date last Wednesday night (20).

I mean, it was alright. It definitely wasn't bad. But, I like him - I think he's cute, he has great fashion sense, he's interesting, he's smart and he's a singer/song writer. A man after my own heart. But as my previous post stated, when around those I actually like, I become a drooling, slobbering, dim-witted fool who cannot keep her sandwich on her plate. Seriously. I dropped part of it in my lap. Maybe it's because I was eating it with a fork and knife... yea... I know... but like I said, I liked him! So of course I have to embarrass myself as many ways as possible. And I guess my subconscious said - hey, eat the sandwich with a fork and knife. That's embarrassing. And by the time you realize how ridiculous you look because he's staring at you oddly, your pride will keep you from stopping. I started with a fork and a knife, I shall finish with a fork and knife dammit!

I only ate half my sandwich.

We were late to the movie and opted to wait for the next one. We had about 40 minutes to kill so we went to Barnes & Noble and bought Frappuccinos from Starbucks. He kindly pointed out the chocolate smear I so gracefully made on my skirt as we were walking into the theatre. And that's also when I noticed the sideways skirt. Jesus Aphrodite, he's not that cute! Seriously, do you have to loose all bodily control?

But, I made it through the rest of the date alive. On the 20 minute ride home, we talked about our favorite books and bands. I felt like it as a decent ending. He walked me to my door, hugged me and gave me a kiss on my cheek and said to give him a call if my cousin and I end up going out and want him to meet up.

Alright.

The next day was Thursday and Heather came in early that morning. I wanted her to meet him, as I know she would like him the most of all the guys I've blogged about, so I wrote him an email saying I had a good time and we were going to my favorite bar and asked if he wanted to join.

No answer.

At about 8 p.m. that night I called to see if he was coming. No answer. No returned call.

That was a week ago. Today he wrote me -

Hi. How was the rest of your weekend and vaca at the beach with your cousin? Work still going well?

Talk to you later,
Ad Guy

Are you kidding me?

Try again next week

2005-07-28T13:31:00.000-04:00

My favoritest bed buddy in the world wrote me today and said he was disappointed in my lack of blog updates over the past few days.

I apologize, and can explain. My wonderful, beautiful, sweet, intelligent, funny, fantastic cousin, we’ll call her Heather for short, visited me last week. We had a good time except for some minor boy drama, which is so annoying and pointless that I’m really not going to go into it. Let’s just say – Bitter Sweet and Navy are completely out of my life now. Seriously, I’m not going to go into it.

But what was funny, when she visited we were reminiscing about her visits over the past few years. Each seems to be defined by some sort of male drama in my life –

2005 – Bitter Sweet and Navy. Not going into it.

2004 – Aesc. was living in Cyprus while I was still in Ga. I had not yet met any of his female co-workers, with whom he spent the majority of his time. I’m a jealous soul, but really tried not to let it get the best of me when it came to him. Well, one night when Heather was visiting, Aesc. neglected to call me all night. I called, and called and called and he never answered. Finally, he returned my call at 8 a.m. He had been out with his female co-workers all night. One stayed the night with him and he had just dropped her off (again, this was at 8 a.m.) He admitted to hearing my calls and ignoring me on purpose. It was one of our first huge blow-out fights. I was crying and hurt and upset and Heather had to comfort me.

2003 – What a fun summer. I was dating 3 guys at once, and cuddling with my buddy at the time too. One guy, Lee picked Heather up at the airport with me. Another guy, my ex-boyfriend was trying to win me back (I had my apartment broken into while Heather was visiting that summer and he brought us food and flowers the next day… he also tried to force a very serious conversation about “us” in front of her). The third guy, my ex-boyfriend’s roommate, I had just started dating secretly (well, a secret from my ex, everyone else knew). He was a singer/song writer and I would go to his shows every Wednesday night. God, it was so fun. And my fabulous cuddle buddy was there to share all the fun drama. In the end, it’s in his bed I stayed. Oh, what a fun summer.

2002 – I was with my Big. You know, the guy you always compare current boyfriends to when they’re being asses and make you wish you had never left your last boyfriend. I still miss him. But that’s that.

Anyway – so the point is, my life might be a little too dominated by male interaction. So this week I’ve been laying low a little more. But just for story telling purposes, I may take my chances at another date next week. I mean, what else do I have to write about?

What I have learned about dating

2005-07-26T15:55:00.000-04:00

A few lessons I have learned in my nearly 2 months of dating (online and off):

1) Do not judge the attractiveness of a guy via an internet photo he picked out to represent how he looks. When looking at such a photo, assume that it is 5 years old, he is 10 pounds heavier (or lighter - depending on which would turn you off more), that the photograph hides his unsightly pock marks or scars or moles or over-sized nose.

2) The more you build up a person in your mind - his looks, humor, love for animals and all things outdoors - the more opposite he will be from what you imagined. Just assume the worst, then maybe he'll be able to walk and talk and open a door.

3) Sarcasm and wit in emails can actually turn out to be bitter and depressing in person.

4) When you are completely uninterested in a guy, he will without a doubt call you the next day to see when you want to get together again, no matter how awkward the first date was. He will also proceed to call and email you for about a week until he finally gets the hint.

5) When you are totally into a guy, he will never call again. You will proceed to call him and email him and think - I mean, I guess the date was a little awkward, but it was a first date. Aren't they all awkward? I thought we had something good. Until a week passes and you get the hint.

6) When you are just looking for a hook-up, the guy will be obnoxiously into you, calling, trying to get together every day, wondering what's wrong. Until you start to feel bad for "using" him, then start to like him. Then he will treat you like shit and act like he was never into you to begin with. Needy chick.

7) When with a guy you aren't into, you are the coolest girl ever. Who wouldn't want to date you? When you're around a hot, smart, funny guy, you are a drooling, bumbling, dim-witted fool who cannot keep her sandwich on her plate as she eats and walks around half the night with her skirt on sideways.

8) Guys either have no social skills, or those that they do have they use simply to get laid.

9) Dating is too much work and gives me a headache.

Navy Boy(s) in town part III

2005-07-20T13:46:00.000-04:00

My fabulous friend, Leora agreed to drive Bitter Sweet and I back to my place. It was the first time that I have brought a guy to my apartment. It was kind of fun – touring him through the first floor and then showing off the top floor, which I have to myself. “And check out this closet!” It was like I was selling the place. He faked interest, shooting me his I’ve-got-a-secret smile, which has the effect of a six-mile run on my knees.

We didn’t pretend about what was going on, after my tour we went straight to bed, undressing on the way. I was having a slight internal struggle. I have not slept with anyone since the break-up and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I barely know Bitter Sweet, but we have such chemistry kissing, cuddling, talking, flirting… and I wanted him all night.

So I kept the make-out session to middle school level as long as I could until my body finally gave in. I wanted him so bad, so I went for it. And it was awful.

Didn’t see that one coming, did you? Yea, me either. Let’s just say, this boy must be a bad dancer because he has no rhythm. Fast, fast… slow…slow… fast… slow… fast, fast, fast. What?! What the hell is going on here? This is not worth the number! And his I’m-doing-great-here smile just started to piss me off. What are you smiling at? This sucks! Don’t you see my face? This is not an I’m-really-enjoying-this face. You have got to be kidding me. No one can be this bad. Is this a joke? Are you joking? You’re not, are you? Look at your smile, you really think you’re rocking my world, don’t you? You have got to be kidding me. Stop! Stop! Pay attention to my hips, see how I have rhythm? Follow that… you’re not following! You have got to be kidding me.

“Um… Bitter Sweet?”

“Yea?”

“I’m sorry, I just… I don’t think I’m ready to have sex. I’m sorry. I think I need some more time. I’m just uncomfortable.”

“Are you wigging-out on me?”

“Something like that. Let’s just… let’s go to sleep.”

“Ok.”

And he rolled over and we commenced to do the one thing he does do well – cuddle. I can't believe I wasted a number on that.

Navy Boy(s) in town part II

2005-07-19T10:45:00.000-04:00

Without a fight, Bitter Sweet grabbed an extra comforter from the closet. I tossed him one of the pillows from the bed and with a sigh he laid on the ground. Silence. Then a huff, a loud rustle of the comforter and another huff.

“Comfortable down there?”

“Wonderful.”

Haha. “Ok – if you want to sleep on the bed, you can. But you have to stay on your side, and all clothes must stay on. Deal?”

He hopped up before I could finish my sentence with a huge smile. “Deal.”

He slid into bed next to me. I was lying on my side watching him. He looked over, smiled at me, and stretched his arm out, offering to cuddle. Being the cuddle addict that I am, I went for it. I settled into his chest. God it felt good to cuddle again. It’s been a while.

I was happy to find that he made no further moves. We talked for about an hour and I laughed so much my face and stomach hurt. Finally, we fell asleep – him moving with my every twist and turn, never letting go the whole night. He was a great cuddler.

At about 4 a.m. we both woke up. I leaned up to kiss him. We kissed for at least 30 minutes. I love these middle school hook-ups. I’m such a tease, I swear.

So, I got him all worked up and then shifted back to my comfortable position on his chest. He didn’t put up a fight, and let me say, that’s such a turn-on. Bitter Sweet not pushing me to hook-up made me want him so bad. But still, not that night.

The next day was Friday and daydreamed about Bitter Sweet all day at work. I had such a good time simply talking to him. I haven’t laughed that much with a guy since Aesc. And to top it off, he is an amazing cuddler and good kisser.

Then there was a part of me that felt bad because he’s Navy’s roommate… and those of you back home know how well that went at school (for those of you who don’t know – I dated 3 roommates out of 4 guys who lived in the same house… yea… don’t want to go there again). But, this time it’s a little different. Navy and I just kissed one night. Oh, fuck it.

After work on Friday Leora and Country Boy decided to “just be friends.” A good call I say, he was a total jerk and all they did was fight and have sex. It wasn’t the most healthy of relationships. Now, several days later, this “let’s just be friends” fight is turning out to be a huge pain in the ass because after Friday night, Country Boy refuses to go anywhere Leora might be – and they run with the same group of friends. It’s just immature and frustrating… anyways…

So after their fight, Leora and I went to dinner at our favorite restaurant/bar. We had just finished our meal and our second drinks when Bitter Sweet walks up with a few of his high school friends (all of which I’ve met several times).

“Hey – what are you guys doing here?” I said as they walked to the table.

“We figured you guys would be here,” said Bitter Sweet.

Alright then.

We moved to a larger table and joined the group. Within an hour our group expanded to about 20 people (includieng Country Boy), and I was drunk. Bitter Sweet and I flirted all night. It’s so much fun to flirt again. There was this span of time near the end of the night when our backs were basically to each other as we were talking to other people, he reached his hand back, found mine, and took hold. We stood there, carrying on our separate conversations holding hands, him gently sliding his index finger up and down the palm of my hand. Such a small motion, but one that sets my body on fire.

It was close to closing time when Bitter Sweet turned to me and said, “so, doesn’t look like we’ll be going back to Country Boy’s tonight.”

Leora and Country Boy had been playing the “I don’t see you ignoring me because I’m busy ignoring you” game all night. He would flirt with another girl. She would talk and laugh loud to his friends so he could hear how much fun she was having without him. They’d each steal glances at each other but look away before they were caught.

“No, doesn’t look like it.”

"I'll see if Leora will drive me home."

"Just you?"

Hmm... "Ok, you can come over - but you aren't getting any."

"I wouldn't even dream of it."

God, I want him.

To Be Continued…

Navy Boy(s) in town part I

2005-07-17T19:29:00.000-04:00

Last Wednesday night when I went out with Navy and Leora, I could tell a repeat of the Fourth of July was most likely not going to take place. We had fun going out, but frankly, we don’t have much to talk about. The vibe is just not there. But, we had planned to hang out Thursday night, Leora, Navy, Country Boy and I and about 15 other people who went to high school with the boys.

Leora and I were the first ones at the bar. Soon to follow were Navy and a couple girls who I met at the lake. Navy sat on the farthest seat from me. So that's how the night's going to go - whatever.

Within 45 minutes the entire group was there, along with shots and bombs. I had a pretty good buzz on, Leora and I were still sitting at the long table, and Navy and Country Boy were hanging out at the bar with Bitter Sweet – the Three Stooges as their friends often call them.

Country Boy had been out of town for a week and this was his first day back. While he said hi to Leora when he arrived at the bar, other than that they had not talked. Both of us were slightly annoyed about being ignored, so after the liquor started to kick in we decided to crash the Three Stooges’ party.

Country Boy welcomed Leora with an ass grab and a huge smile. Navy said, “hey, I’m going to talk to AK (his brother) for a while,” and walked off right as I got there. Well, that wasn’t obvious. So now, here I am with a flirting couple to my left and this guy who managed to offend me repeatedly only a few nights before to my right. I couldn’t leave, my pride wouldn't let me walk away and make it obvious as to the reason I came over to the bar in the first place. So, I decided to order another drink - even though the one I had was half full.

As the bartender brought my beer Bitter Sweet spoke up – “put it on my tab.”

“Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to.”

“It’s alright. So how’ve you been?”

“Fine.”

“So, I heard I was a bit of a jerk last time I met you.”

“You were… interesting.”

“Well, thanks for the euphemism. I apologize, we had been drinking all day.”

“That’s alright.”

“So, what did I say? If you don’t mind, I’m a bit blurry about that night.”

With Leora distracted by the smiling boy to my left, I decided to focus my attention on the not-as-drunk Bitter Sweet to my right. He came off surprisingly charming and witty. I found myself wrapped up in conversation and laughing with him for almost an hour. I didn’t even realize.

Then, I looked back to see if I could locate Navy. He was wrapped up in conversation with this beautiful blonde with a perfect body that had just told me when I ventured to the bathroom that she broke up with the boyfriend she had when I met her at the lake. Nice.

I was slightly annoyed by Navy blatantly ignoring me. Leora and I decided to walk away from the bar to girl talk.

“I know Navy’s annoying you. He’s being a dick. But seriously Aphrodite, there's this hot guy at the bar right now who is obviously so into you. Yea, he was annoying the first time you met him, but you have been talking to him all night. You can’t even carry on a conversation with Navy for 5 minutes.”

She was right. But I still wasn’t read to give up. I waited for Navy to step away from the blonde to get another drink, then I joined him at the bar. I tried talking to him, but it went nowhere. We have nothing in common and it was painfully clear. Before the bartender returned with his drinks Bitter Sweet walked up and saved me from the awkward silence. He distracted Navy with guy talk about the golf game they were having the next day until Navy finally left to rejoin his conversation with the blonde girl, across the room.

I spent an awkward 5 minutes at the bar with Navy, unable to make conversation as hard as I tried. Then, the rest of the night sped by, sitting next to Bitter Sweet laughing, talking about politics, sports, fashion, vacation and the drunken friends we were surrounded by – including a fighting Leora and Country Boy.

By the end of the night none of us were really sober enough to drive, but Leora and cut herself off early do to an argumentative Country Boy sobering her up with his shady attitude and unpredictable mood swings. I had rode to the bar with Leora and was dependent on her. Country Boy was trying to convince her to stay the night at his house – to “make up,” I guess. Bitter Sweet rode to the bar with Country Boy and was dependent on him. And that was the situation.

Soon after we got to Country Boy’s house I went to bed – it was a work night after all. Bitter Sweet followed me into the room – “you know, this actually is my bed when I’m visiting Cyprus. So you’re going to have to share.”

“I don’t think so, I’m a girl. You’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Are you really going to make me sleep on the floor?”

“Yea, I don’t like you, remember? I'm bitter sweet.” Playful smile.

He nodded his head, convinced. “Alright then, the floor it is.”

To Be Continued...

Bitter Sweet

2005-07-15T15:16:00.000-04:00

So, Navy was in town last night, but to tell that story, I need to tell this one first. My next post will go into last night.

Over a week ago Leora and I met up with Country Boy and one of his friends – Bitter Sweet. Bitter Sweet is Navy’s roommate, he’s also in the Navy and just got back from a 6 month stay at sea. He is on leave until the end of August and then goes out for another 6 months. While he lives with Navy over an hour away, he is spending much of his leave in Cyprus, where his family lives.

So last Wednesday Bitter Sweet and Country Boy had been playing golf and drinking beer since 9 a.m. They met up with us at a bar around 9 p.m. I didn’t realize it at the time – but Bitter Sweet was wasted, to the point where he later claims that he was blacked-out.

Country Boy and Leora were flirting away at the table, paying no attention to us, so Bitter Sweet and I were left to make conversation. And it was an odd conversation. He would misunderstand what I was saying, which lead us to carrying on two separate conversations at once, several times. He would try to compliment me, but was so blatant and awkward that I either busted out laughing or stared at him in amazement. At one point, I was in the middle of a story – a fun, happy story – when he turned to me and said, “you’re bitter.”

What?!

I just sat there and stared. I had no clue what to say. I was telling a happy story, I was in a great mood, I hadn’t talked about my ex or guys or anything – why did I deserve to be called bitter? After a very long minute of silence between us, me staring at him in bewilderment, he tried to save himself my saying, “bitter sweet?”

Exercise therapy

2005-07-13T12:53:00.000-04:00

I think the best therapy that I have ever taken part in is that of exercising. It really is what has kept my head straight through this break-up with Aesc.

About two weeks after the break-up I went to Orlando to visit one of my friends from school. She is so disciplined in her workout routine, much like I used to be in college. I've had a hard time getting on a good schedule since I started working full-time, but she motivated me to make that time for myself. And I have.

Ever since that visit I wake up around 5-5:30 a.m. four out of five mornings during the work week to run, or do some sort of cardio, and lift weights. I try to workout at least one day on the weekends... but that depends on my plans (I've been going out of town a lot lately).

I am so glad that I started doing this again. Granted, had I done this about 2 years ago, I would have lost 10 pounds in one month working out this much... and now I've lost maybe 4? But this time, it's not about the weight. It's about feeling sane.

The mornings I don't work-out are the worst (weekends included). I feel nervous and lonely. During the week, when my alarm goes off at 5/5:30 I have this nervous feeling, but I beat it out of me by running 20-30 minutes and then lifting.

The nervousness is due to my break-up. I wake up and instantly miss Aesc. I want him to be there, holding me. I want to kiss him and hug him and feel safe and comfortable with him. I think about the last few times I saw him, how upset, distraught and beat-up he looked. How much weight he lost in a few weeks. The dark circles under his eyes. How he would constantly cry and beg for me to try again. How sorry he said he was. How he promised to never take me for granted again. How he could barely speak without having his voice crack. How much I want to hold him and tell him it's all ok and I'm sorry too and I wish we could go back to the beginning.

But we can't go back to the beginning. Too much has happened. I could never fully forgive him for our past, and we could never have the perfect relationship he promises. This is why I walked away, and this is why I need to stay away.

So I run. I get all the nervousness out. I focus on myself. And I feel better.

Stupid boy

2005-07-12T16:19:00.000-04:00

After our fun and flirtatious Friday night over a week ago, Ad Guy left for a 9-day trip to the beach with his family. I had a wonderful Fourth of July, where I met Navy, and then a fun girl's weekend this past weekend with Leora and her college friends in the mountains outside of Cyprus.

But I looked forward to Ad Guy's return. While I enjoyed flirting with Navy, I know there's nothing there. I saw a potential something with Ad Guy.

Ad Guy had said the last time I saw him, "I'll call you when I get back in town next weekend, maybe we can get together." So when Leora and I went out Saturday night, I texted him to see if he was in town. He said he wouldn't be until Sunday.

So, being the wide-eyed gullible girl that I am, a part of me waited all day for him to call. I mean, I worked and had things to do, but there remained a part of me holding on, waiting for that phone call. But nothing.

So Monday came along and I hated how I felt - waiting for a boy, wishing he would call or write, something. I thought I was going to go insane. Then around lunch I finally got an email from him. I had written a very thoughtful email on the Fourth of July about my trip to the lake. His email was so short, I will copy it here:

Hey there. How are you? Monday ughh... The beach was great. What'ss new? I had fun when we were out Friday. Anything new? We should do something this week...

Talk to you later.

And that's that. Poetry isn't it? Well, to a girl who's panicking about whether the guy she thought liked her really likes her or not... it is.

It took all my strength not to reply instantly. I made myself wait an hour and a half. And then I went on to tell him that I had a great time Friday night also, and I would love to get together sometime this week. I told him the days I'd be available and asked him what he had in mind.

I was so excited the rest of the day. Ad Guy likes me, Ad Guy likes me. After work Leora and I went for a couple drinks. She suggested that I call him - I refused. He hadn't responded to my email. If he wanted to see me, he'd call. Besides, we have yet to go out together one-on-one. I think that needs to happen before he hangs out with my friends again. If I don't stop that trend now, I'll be in Leora's shoes - "dating" a guy without ever having gone on a date.

Around 10 p.m. I was ready for bed and still excited about Ad Guy, but starting to get disappointed that he had not replied to my email. As I started to drift into sleep I came up with a brilliant idea... as they always seem to be when I'm half asleep... I'll call Ad Guy during lunch and see if he wants to get together tomorrow night (since my Wednesday, Thursday and Friday will likely be busy).

THEN an even more genius idea - I'll text message him NOW! I wrote:
We should get together tomorrow if you're not busy.

It is 4 p.m. the next day and I have yet to hear a reply. I hate boys.

Let me rant for a second here:
First off, I really thought he liked me. He was flirtatious and made a point to say he had a good time with me Friday night. He emailed me, saying he wanted to see magainan this week. So why would he not take 5 minutes to tell me when or where he would like to see me? He has my phone number, why not call? Why never return my text message? Also, if I had a good time with someone who I was interested in, I would want to see them again... soon. He was on vacation for over a week, I would think he'd try to get together early this week.

Also, who do guys think they are? Don't they realize when dealing with a girl, they cannot go without calling her. We will sit and analyze and go crazy until they make contact with us! Don't you men realize the torture you could avoid by simply emailing or calling to say hi?! You should. It's a shame what you put us through.

All I have to say is Ad Guy better get his act together soon, or his opportunity will soon be gone. Navy comes in town tomorrow and then Thursday I have another date from Match. Also, today Georgia emailed me about how we really should meet up to watch football. Seriously - his window of opportunity is closing fast and hard.

Yippity-yip

2005-07-11T14:21:00.000-04:00

Meeting new guys, making fun of them or having fun with them is the best part of dating.

The worst part is when you like one. Then you start to wonder - when is he going to call? Why hasn't he returned my email? Why does he ask me out on a date but then not set the date?

Then you start to wonder - uh oh, what did I do? Was I too drunk the last time I saw him? Did it turn him off? When he was out of town, I wrote him an email. Was that too much? Should I have just waited until he got home?

Then I text messaged him to see if he was home. Who am I, his mom? Why did I check to see if he was home?! So he returned my text saying he wasn't home, but would be tomorrow, and I returned "Have a safe trip. See you soon." See you soon?! What was I thinking? Now I sound like his girlfriend!! No wonder he hasn't returned my email or called me or texted me back... no wond...

Oh, he just called... Good... I knew he would...

I hate this dating stuff.

Love Fern

2005-07-10T10:52:00.000-04:00

For Valentine's Day this year, Aesc. could not afford flowers, so he bought me a pot of dirt. At least that's what I used to say to give him a hard time. He bought a flower pack, I guess you could call it - a pot, dirt and bulb. You have to plant the flower, which in this case was a lily, and it's supposed to bloom in 3 months.

Well, I jokingly called my lily my Love Fern, from the movie How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days. Aesc. would always correct me - it's not a fern, it's a lily.

Same thing.

Well, my Love Fern has a very nice seat in my office, on top of a small red table with a Chinese symbol that says Love hung above it. Within the first month of it's life, Love Fern sprouted 6 green stocks. It grew tall and green and I waited and waited for the flower.

Nothing.

It's been 5 months and the fern still has not bloomed. It's supposed to take 3.

Well, Aesc. and I broke up a little over a month ago. And about that same time, Love Fern started to look a little sick. The leaves were not as strong and the stocks were loosing some of their color.

Everyday that I woke up without Aesc., I grew stronger. Every day, the Love Fern would become weaker. This morning I came into my office to take care of a few things at work and found one of the tallest stocks on my Love Fern completely brown and limp.

It's only a matter of time before the whole thing is lost.

Lame date, new number

2005-07-08T09:32:00.000-04:00

I had a lunch date yesterday. Another guy from Match. I was if-y about the date before going into it because I could not tell from his pictures if he was cute or not. It could have easily gone both ways.

So, on my way out the door I stopped by Leora's office and talked her into going with me. The original plan was for her to come in to order food to-go, and help make the initial meeting less awkward. But after I saw Red Head, his white, cushiony body and huge nose, I turned to Leora and said - you're staying.

I kind of felt bad that I forced her to sit through my awkward lunch date. But not really. I could tell she was annoyed. But not really.

At one point I was talking about my Alma Mater and how I had a class with David Greene. When this really hot guy sitting next to us turned around and said, "you went to Georgia?"

Wow - he's hot I think I'm going to switch my attention. Sorry Red Head.

"Yea, I went to Georgia - did you?"

"Class of 2001."

"That's great. What brought you here?"

"Job. You?"

I hate this question because the truth is, my ex brought me here. And that sometimes scares guys, it's like a flag saying baggage, baggage. "A job."

"So, are you from Georgia or did you just go to school there?"

Etc., etc.

The conversation went on for a about 5 minutes and then my conscience kicked in. Red Head was sitting across the table from me appearing slightly upset. Oops.

So I brought my attention back to my "date." This guy was so goofy. He was nervous, his hands were shaky. I had to carry the conversation the whole time. When I finished my salad, I looked at my watch and said, "We really should get back to work." He had barely taken 3 bites of his sub. "Yea, me too."

So Red Head picked up the bill for all three of us, which was nice. Leora went over to the Georgia Boy's table to ask where he watched the football games. I was jealous. I'm stuck with Red Head tubby over here and she's talking to blue-eyed, dark hair, tan, hot stuff over there.

So I turned to Red Head - "Thanks for lunch, it was fun."

"Yea, I had a good..."

"Alright, see ya. Drive safely."

Quick side hug and I sent him out the door. I didn't walk him out or anything - I had business to tend to.

I turned back to Georgia Boy's table, "Hey! So where were you saying you watched the Georgia games."

He pulled out his business cards and passed one to Leora and I. "As I was telling your friend, a bunch of us get together and watch them at each other's houses. But you should shoot me an email and maybe we can meet up for a game."

Sounds good to me. At least this date wasn't a total waste.

Independence weekend Part III

2005-07-07T18:22:00.000-04:00

After rescuing my bikini bottoms and keeping me from drowning in the lake as I tried to redress, the four of us hopped on the boat. I was riding along, with Navy’s arm around my shoulders and thought to myself – what is wrong with you? You are single. Single. And here’s this guy who you are very attracted to, hitting on you. Giving all his attention to you. Why are you being so standoff-ish?

I guess it’s just been so long since I dated. It made me nervous being physically close to someone other than Aesc. But I decided I was going to get over it.

When we got to the warmest side of the lake, the four of us hopped in again. This time I was completely open to Navy’s passes. We were floating on life vests a few yards from the boat when he went in for a kiss. And I let him. We floated in the water making out until we looked up and realized we could no longer see our boat (granted it was foggy out due to the hot lake and cold night… but still… we made out until we couldn’t see the boat!). He swam both of us back, grabbed on to the ladder at the side of the boat and finished his kiss.

Leora and Country Boy must have had a good time in the lake too, because once we got back on the boat they went into the cabin together until we were docked again. We returned to the lake house around 5 a.m. Leora and Country Boy grabbed a bed in a 3-bed room and let Navy and I sleep on the boat.

While I was obviously buzzed, I didn’t think I was that drunk until I tried to sleep on a rocking ship. Navy was concerned about my complaints of sea sickness and ran to the front of the house to get a bottle of water out of his truck for me. Too sweet.

When he got back he laid down behind me and wrapped his perfect arms across my side, pulling me close to his chest. I could have fallen asleep and slept forever in that position, but how could I do that – there was a hot Navy boy on the other end of those arms.

So I rolled to my other side and kissed him. We kissed, and kissed and kissed. He rolled on top of me and took his shirt off. Damn he’s hot. Then he took mine off.

Uh oh – sea sickness. Come on Aphrodite, concentrate.

His fingers were sliding all over my body. It was all almost too much. He stopped kissing to say “I don’t know when I should stop.”

I said, “I think this may be a good place.”

“Alright. That's fine.” One last slow kiss and then we rolled back to our original position. With his bare chest against my back, I slept like an angel.

The next day everything was normal (my biggest fear after a hook-up… no matter how innocent, is the next day). He was playful and friendly. But I felt like I had been run over by a train. All day I was struggling to keep up. To keep up walking, talking, functioning like a normal human being. I eventually had to lay down and take a 2 hour nap to regain enough energy to sit in a circle making conversation.

As night fell Navy became more and more flirtatious. I was really looking forward to running off with him again, as I felt much more comfortable the second day. But, Country Boy passed out at 9 p.m. Also, Navy’s best girlfriends from high school were in town and were being very territorial. Leora and I decided to just go to bed without them.

Navy came to find me after about an hour in bed. He apologized and said he was in a serious conversation when I left. He offered for me to join him in the gazebo, but his friends from high school would be in there also. I told him I didn’t want to leave Leora alone. He gave me a short kiss and said he understood.

The next day (Monday), everyone had to leave by 3 p.m. So before the rush back to Cyprus, We all went on the boat again – Leora, Country Boy, Navy, all of his high school friends and I. The one girl who was very territorial the night before seemed to lay off a lot that day.

Navy suggested we go tubing and pulled me into the water with him, saying “Aphrodite and I will go first.” After staying on our own tubes for a while, Navy turned to me and said “It’d be more fun if there were 2 people on the big tube. You should hop over and we’ll get someone else on yours.”

I wasn’t arguing.

It was a blast. He was laying to the left of me, half on top with his arms wrapped across my shoulders so we could both hang on to the same handles. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

When we re-docked the boat all of the girls had to leave. Country Boy talked Navy into staying an extra hour. I’m glad he did. We went swimming and jet skiing together. We were flirtatious, but nothing happened. I guess it was that knowledge that we were about to leave. But it was just fun, I really felt comfortable flirting with him, which was a vast improvement from day one.

When he and Country Boy were leaving he gave me one last kiss. He also gave me his number and said he’d be in town from the 13th through the 17th for a wedding and told me to call him to hang out one night.

I definitely will.

Independence weekend Part II

2005-07-06T09:10:00.000-04:00

Saturday morning, a very hung-over Leora and I drove about an hour to the lake and arrived around 11 a.m. On our ride, Leora informed me that there was a recently singled friend of Country Boy who is in the Navy that would be with us on the lake. Leora swore that he was hot, but I was envisioning a 6’4” muscular giant with a saved head. Not my type. But to my surprise, Navy was not.

C. Boy and Navy met us at Leora’s car as we pulled into the driveway. Navy is 5’10” (I’m 5’4” and really like guys at that height), blonde hair, dark skin, blue eyes and a perfect body… I mean, he is in the Navy. I could not believe this is the guy Leora was telling me I should pair off with for the weekend – ‘there’s no way,' is all I could think. I mean, I know I am an attractive female, but he… he’s… yea. He’s hot.

And to top off the hotness, he’s fun. He’s funny, he’s smart (he’s about to finish his 5 years in the Navy’s nuclear program), he’s easy to talk to and a really good guy. Although fun is the only real requirement for a weekend fling.

Navy lives on the beach about an hour and a half/two hours from Cyprus. He just ended a very long relationship, one in which he actually bought an engagement ring (I know all of this from Leora on the car ride up there). So I knew he was not looking for a relationship. But you know what – neither am I.

It’s been so long since I’ve dated, I get kind of nervous (obviously from my total coolness when meeting Ad Guy). And to make it worse, Navy was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen… and definitely the best looking that I had ever tried to flirt with. Good thing I’ve been waking up at 5 a.m. every morning to work out for the past 2 weeks. Not only has it tightened my thighs and waistline, it’s also given a big boost to my confidence. And boy did I need confidence to hang out with this guy.

But honestly, he made it easy. It was laid back and fun. Although he was out of this world gorgeous, he was down to earth. So he ended up being really easy to hang out with.

The four of us kind of paired off from the group of 20 that was at the lake. We went tubing together, jet skiing together, swimming together, etc. All the while drinking beer as fast as we can, to keep it from becoming hot in the July heat.

By midnight, I was pretty happy. Navy and I kept flirting, but I could not get past my stand-offish attitude. Like I said, I haven’t dated in a while. And it sort of made me nervous – this handsome guy I had just met hitting on me. This couldn’t be right.

Around 1 a.m., Leora and I decided it was time to take a swim. The lake we were staying on is heated by a near by power plant. The plant runs water through pipes below the lake to cool the water in the pipes off. In doing so, it heats the whole lake. So when it starts to get chilly out at night, the lake is the best place to be. After seeing us hop in, the boys were soon to follow.

Two guys and two girls in a lake at night, well that equals skinny dipping, of course. So here I am, naked. My best friend is starting to really pair off with the boy she came to visit, and I’m naked in a lake with one of the hottest men I have ever seen. There were no corners to hide in, so instead I talked fast and nervously – my speedy lips gave him no opportunity to go in for a kiss. I think he found it endearing.

After about a half an hour of swimming/floating on life jackets about four other people made it out to the end of the pier. They were going to take a boat to the hottest part of the lake – right by the power plant, where it feels like a hot tub. So of course, we wanted to hop in. The boys quickly threw their shorts back on, but it was a bit more difficult for Leora and me. All pride was lost when I was trying to get dressed in the water, dropped my bottoms and Navy had to dive down to find them. At least I had enough beers to help drown the humiliation.

To Be Continued...

Independence weekend Part I (a)

2005-07-05T13:45:00.000-04:00

This is not the second addition of my weekend post, but there was a side note from Friday that I wanted to add.

While at the bar, I literally ran into Philip. I was pushing my through the crowd, returning from the restroom when I literally ran into a guy's chest. I looked up to apologize and made eye contact with Phil. I knew instantly.

I think he recognized me, I don't know if it's from Match or when we met in person 8 months ago. But he gave me that look - that "I think I know you" look. My eyes darted to the ground, I ran off to find Leora, who was in front of me until I ran into Phil, grabbed her arm and started laughing uncontrollably.

Why couldn't I have ran into him when I wasn't having fun with a super hot guy who could keep my attention?

After Ad Guy left the bar and was out of sight, I made a quick trip around to see if I could spot Philip again. He was gone.

But it's probably best that I didn't find him - two attractive, fun guys in one night? I'm just being greedy at that point.

To Be Continued...

Independence weekend Part I

2005-07-04T21:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, as I was stretched out, tanning on the front of a boat, cruising around a lake, I thought – I am single. And this really has been a weekend of independence.

Leora and I became single within a month of each other. I supported her as she went through her break up, and she supported me and I went through mine. Now we’re both single and supporting each other in the dating world.

Currently, Leora is dating two guys. One is Country Boy, the other is Mandolin Player. Mandolin Player is in two bands, plays the guitar, drums and mandolin. He’s about 5’9” with a very small build (for the record, Leora is 5’2” and wears a size 0, she’s a small girl). Leora enjoys the company of the Mandolin Player. He’s smart, he’s talented, he’s social, he’s a good listener, he calls when he should, etc. But, he lives over an hour from Cyprus. He plans to move here in August, and we think he might be holding back some until he moves here. I say this because, although Leora and the M. Player have been spending at least one day a week together and are very flirtatious, the M. Player has not made a move. Not even a kiss. Basically, they’re friends who talk close.

Country Boy is 6’2” and ripped. He’s tan, has a gorgeous smile, is fun, outgoing, a big kid, hands-on smart, not so book-smart and not a good listener. Leora likes both guys for different reasons and as she said – together, they make one great guy.

Friday night Mandolin Player, Leora, Ageless and I went to a sushi restaurant for dinner. Afterwards we hit up our favorite bar. Ad Guy met us there. He and his friend beat us to the bar, so as I was showing my ID at the front door, I saw him across the room, sitting at the bar and facing us. Ad Guy is 5’11” with a gorgeous smile and dark brown hair which he wears in a faux hawk. As he flashed his perfect smile and waved, my heart jumped. When we met Thursday night he was in work clothes, Friday he was wearing a perfectly fitted red tee, faded jeans and flip flops. He was looking HOT.

Instead of hiding, this time I walked up, sat next to him and ordered a beer. He put it on his tab (I love a guy who confidently buys a girl’s drink). The five of us (Leora, Ageless, M. Player, Ad Guy, his friend and I) moved to the porch to grab a table and enjoy the warm night. Ad Guy casually joined in our group conversations, which mainly consisted of ridiculous statements and loud bursts of laughter.

A group of his friends also came to the bar, and often floated over to our table. At one point Leora was in a heated discussion with one of Ad Guy’s friends – a discussion with so much passion that Ad Guy and I could not determine if they were about to hit or kiss each other. Either way, it gave us a good laugh.

While his friends were at the same bar, he sat at our table the whole time. He’d leave periodically to check in with his friends, or order more drinks. But he spent the whole night by my side. While we were joining in the table’s conversations, every now and then his hand would seek out mine. His fingers would gently slide over mine and then return to his knee.

Ad Guy was leaving for the beach at 6 a.m. on Saturday morning. He originally said he did not think he could come out, but he did, and he ended up staying until after midnight. I was glad he came. As he was leaving, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the check. He said he’d give me a call when he’s back in town (next Saturday), and squeezed my hand as he walked away.

M. Player maintained his friends-who-talk-close relationship with Leora, even though he stayed the night at her house. I teased her because my relationship with Ad Guy has now passed hers after seeing each other twice. M. Player's lack of physical interaction made Leora just that more excited about our weekend on the lake with Country Boy and his friends.

To Be Continued...

Ad Guy

2005-07-01T13:15:00.000-04:00

To start - I just noticed that I had anonymous comments blocked. So I apologize to those of you who without a Blogger account that were not able to post comments. You should be able to now.

Ok, moving on...

So last night I went to the professional association social with 3 of my co-workers and good friends. One of them, we jokingly call my life-coach, because she's 6 years older, we (almost) have the same name, I took over her old office, I have her old mentor as my mentor and we have very similar personalities, so "Life Coach" is constantly giving me advice - "Oh Aphrodite, you remind me so much of how I was at your age..." and then a slew of suggestions as to how to live life. Personal and professional.

Well, Life Coach met her current boyfriend of over a year through Match.com. She's the person who convinced me to do it to meet more people. They're both good looking people, so I figured - if they were on there, people on there can't be that bad.

So last night I was going to meet a guy who I've emailed a couple of times over the past couple of weeks. He's also relatively new to Cyprus, but was raised not far from here. We'll call him Ad Guy.

Attending the social with me was Leora, Life Coach and Ageless (Ageless is kind of like my co-boss. He's 34, single... but never dating, don't ask... friends with everyone, but spends most of his time hanging out with the 25-29 group. He's one of my best friends in Cyprus).

As we walked to the bar holding the social, all three of them were teasing me, getting me excited and making me nervous. And of course, once we come through the front door Ad Guy is the first person I see. I recognized him from his picture immediately. So I did what any normal girl who's excited to meet a guy does - I acted like I didn't see him and hid.

Ad Guy was right in front of me, and yet I managed to make it appear (at least in my mind) that I couldn't see him. I rushed through the registration table and huddled with my friends in a corner. When I got up the courage to look where Ad Guy had been standing, he was no longer there.

I think I might be killing my chances. Oh well. Where's the beer?

A table opens up and my friends and I grab it. I get the only seat that is facing away from where Ad Guy is standing with his friends. Everyone's laughing at me and making me blush. Ageless is reporting every 2 minutes that "he just looked at you again." "Yeap, again." "Aphrodite, I think he sees you." Shh... I know he does. I just need to get this one beer down first.

Eventually I guess he got frustrated, because according to Ageless, he stared at me for a few minutes, rolled his eyes, set down his beer and walked off.

I have a way with the men.

I sighed a huge sigh of relief knowing his eyes were no longer burning into my back. And with the relief came courage. "I'm going to go introduce myself."

"Now?!" Ageless said. "He has been looking at you for the past 20 minutes, and now you're going to introduce yourself when he's in the bathroom?"

"Yea. Less pressure."

So, I got up, left the table and sat at another table right beside where he had to pass as he was leaving the bathroom and waited. I'm smooth.

He walked around the corner, saw me, and smiled. I introduced myself and we started talking. He was really cool. He's much more attractive in person than in pictures... and he was attractive in his picture. He had a great personality and was easy to talk to.

After chit-chatting for a few minutes we headed back to where our friends were. I met some of his co-workers, and then he joined the table and hung out with mine. He fit in to the conversation really well, and laughed at the ridiculousness of my friends. After he started to feel comfortable he gave me a hard time about hiding from him. Hey - I was playing hard to get... that's it.

It ended up being a really good time. He asked what I was doing Friday night (tonight), and I told him Leora and I were going out. After a short pause I took the hint and invited him to join. So hopefully I'll get to see him again tonight.

He emailed this morning to tell me he had a good time. He said he's going to try and meet up but he has to pack for vacation - he's going to the beach for 8 days and is leaving tomorrow at 6 a.m.

A nice distraction. Hopefully he'll be around again tonight.

And if not - Leora and I are going to a lake house for the weekend, and it has been reported that hot guys will be present.

In need of a distraction

2005-06-30T15:26:00.000-04:00

Some days are so easy.

Some days are so hard.

And most days are a mixture.

I miss Aesc. It's one of those things you know will come. We broke up about a month ago. It was really hard at first, and then it was really easy. Now, it's started to really set in, and it's starting to get hard again.

It's not the always upset, teary-eyed kind of hard. It's the constant longing kind of hard. I miss him.

And while meeting people is a nice distraction, most of the time I'd rather curl up on the couch with Aesc., comfortable and watching TV, than sit through several hours of small talk and "get to know you" moments on a date.

I know when I go on a good date, where everything clicks, I'll be like Aesculapius who? But good dates are hard to find. They're normally uneasy, awkward and last too long. In a book I read recently, the magic number of bad dates you have to sit through before you go on a good date is 17. So, I better hurry up and get through them.

I'm meeting another blind date tonight. He works at a competing firm, and there's a professional society social tonight that we're both going to. That's got to be the safest way to meet a blind date - at a professional function, both bringing co-workers whom we can easily run back to if the chemistry is not there.

I'll report in the morning.

It's not my birthday

2005-06-29T13:12:00.000-04:00

This morning I presented to a client for the first time. I got to work early, practiced, talked to myself, got nervous then got over it and then at 10 presented. Everything went really well. I received a lot of positive feedback from my boss and the President of my company (who were both presenting with me).

After the presentation was done, we were walking the client out of the conference room and there was a large vase of flowers - red roses mixed in with several different purple flowers (my favorite color) and a huge purple and red bow.

"Oh! I wonder who those are for," my boss said, as we walked towards the counter where the flowers sat. And without reading the card, I knew they would be for me.

And they were.

"Who's it from?!" She said, excited, knowing that I have been on a date and was talking to a few guys.

But I let her down with the answer, "Aesculapius."

"Are you getting back together with him again."

Although the thought has crossed my mind, I have held strong to the break-up. "No."

"So, what does the card say?"

Dear Aphrodite,
I am sorry. You are a beautiful person. Good luck to you in all your endeavors. I hope you get everything you always wanted and more. I will miss you.
Aesculapius

I never know what to expect. Yesterday he called saying he was not going to give up trying, dispite my conviction to ending the relationship. And today, a farewell bouquet.

So, I'm finally getting the attention I had been demanding for the past 9 months, but now I don't want it. And everyone who walks by my office keeps wishing me happy birthday.

I know him

2005-06-28T07:35:00.000-04:00

The funny thing about using an online dating service is finding people on there you know in "real life."

My co-workers enjoy scoping out the Match.com site with me, critiquing possible contacts and picking out personal favorites. During this process, two of my co-workers have found a friend on Match that they did not previously know was using the service. I was warned to stay away from both of them.

Well, this morning I was doing my daily search, to see if anyone new was on... or if any of the previously unattractive men posted a more attractive picture. When I came across someone who has to be new. I would have noticed him from the first time I joined Match, because I've met him before.

It took me a second, but after I read his profile I remembered - I met him at a professional association luncheon my first month in Cyprus. My boss introduced me to him, as he is technically one of our clients. But the day I met him was his last day working as our client contact, so I haven't seen him since.

My first reaction was this guy is attractive (we'll call him Philip, after the first name of the company he works for). When in the car returning to work from the luncheon, my boss shared with me that Philip had actually dated the intern whom I replaced. It was quite the office scandal, as they had met at a work function and the former intern apparently did not have an internal filter when it came to such things. She would come to work every day talking about how great Philip was, how funny he was, etc. The whole time, he was our client contact. A person we did a lot of business for. Her relationship, and her openness about it was not appreciated.

Philip ultimately dumped her - she was not the smartest cookie in the jar, and he apparently is a "ladies man." I would like to think she just didn't interest him.

Philip and I did not have time to get to know each other in the real world at the luncheon, but maybe I'll get to find out what the hype is all about through Match. We'll see.

And I'll exercise my personal filter... when at work at least.

H5

2005-06-27T19:44:00.000-04:00

The Greek names are going to quickly drop off... as that would be too challenging for me to come up with and for you to remember.

So, since transitioning into my life as a single woman in Cyprus, I have joined a popular dating service - Match.com. Stop laughing!

So anyways, Match has provided a lot of entertainment to mine and my friends lives, as we check the site daily and laugh at the losers on there... oh wait... I'm on there. I mean, the perfectly normal people who have become sick of waiting to meet people at bars when you can just meet them at home, on your comfortable couch with a lap top and a cup of coffee.

Last Wednesday was my first Match.com date (also my first date since Aesculapius). I met a guy we'll call, H5 at a local bar for a few drinks. I figured a happy hour date would be less pressure than a full dinner.

So after work I met him in the parking lot... and the guy was not as cute as he appeared in his pictures. The conversation got a little awkward when he began commenting on how my pictures were cute but I was much more attractive in person, and then he asked, how about me? Um, I could recognize you...

But we went on to have a few drinks and conversation was semi-going-well. The thing is, when we were writing emails, he would have short, quick answers to all of my questions. He always left me wanting to know more, so I assumed he must be a good conversationalist. But, for the first hour of our date, all he did was talk. And all I did was listen/ask a question here or there.

After about an hour, I stepped away to rest my ears in the bathroom. When I returned he said "so you've heard a lot about me, I want to learn more about you." I was like "great, what do you want to know?" Then he proceed to ask me a question, and less than one minute into the answer, he would cut me off and started telling another of his stories.

This happened multiple times, he would try and recover by saying "I'm sorry, I cut you off, please finish." Less than a minute into trying to regain my place, cut off again. I learned to speak quickly with short sentences in order to complete a thought.

Secondly, I have issues with high-fives. I always have. If you are not at a sporting event, it just feels awkward and unnatural. Well, he had a few beers and then, in the middle of one of my very short stories he reached out his hand. I stopped talking, looked at it and tried to figure out exactly what he was doing, is he trying to give me a high-five? If he's not, if he's just stretching his hand, that would be really weird if I reached out and hit it. I decided to keep my hand safely in my lap. His stretched out hand curled into a ball, as he realized his high-five was rejected. I looked up from his hand and he was staring at me as I had gone through the previous internal monolog and he said "are you ok?" "Um, yea, so, what was I saying?..."

Then, another beer into it, we were talking about movies. He and I have the same taste in movies, so we were listing what we liked. I guess he became excited about one of my selections and he stretched his hand out in a more obvious high-five position. This guy obviously wasn't giving up on his high-fives, so I just went with it. I stretched my arm out, opened my palm, slapped his hand and retreated. As I was pulling my hand away in a normal high-five fashion, he curled his fingers around my hand, trying the old high-five to a hand hold manuveur, only to find himself holding his own, empty palm. Awkward. And I laughed. Even more awkward. Um, I think I need to go to the bathroom.

Goodbye Aesculapius

2005-06-27T15:07:00.000-04:00

It's been nearly a year since I moved to the city of Cyprus for my boyfriend, Aesculapius.

My moving to Cyprus was the only way Aesc. and I could test our true compatibility, as our relationship had been long-distance for almost a year, and the only type of relationship we had ever known.

We knew the risks - I could move to Cyprus only for us to discover that we were not compatible. But of course we didn't really think that would happen... or I would not have moved.

Now, 10 months after I left my family, friends and home, I find myself without Aesculapius. Single for the first time in 5 years. I have been what you call a serial monogomist, and now, for the first time since high school, I have left my boyfriend without another prospect lined-up.

My best friend in Cyprus, Leora the Lioness is my partner in crime. She and her now ex-boyfriend, Paros, broke up about a month before Aesc. and I. So we're two single girls on the prowl.

I dedicate this blog to my newly-found single life. To the fun nights, bad dates and good stories yet to come.